Thorn in my Side

I was standing outside a local food truck the other night waiting to pick up dinner. All while staring at the Mexican restaurant across the street where I had a meeting for lunch earlier in the day. I had to mentally pat myself on the back that I didn’t eat at the Mexican restaurant, because I knew I was eating out that night. I ate my leftovers instead.

But standing there waiting for my food I started thinking about the food I had ate that day. My thought was how even though calorie wise it was clearly plenty of food, it didn’t seem like “a lot”. And I like to eat. 

That’s when it hit me. It was this thought that popped in my head and spoke to me., saying, this is the thorn in your side. 

Food. My weakness that God can use. (Clearly not the only one ;) ) The thing that tempted Eve in the garden. The same thing that tempts me today. When I continually overeat, it’s like telling God I don’t trust that I will be nourished and fed.

This is the thing that keeps me close to Jesus. It may sound silly to you, but it’s true. I am never closer, seriously, it’s that much of a struggle for me, than when I’m seeking God to help me nourish my body and not just partake in every bit of food placed in front of me. Or seek out all the snacks. 

Paul said in 2 Corinthians 12:7b-9, “Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

I’m still a ways away from verse 10 though: That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

I know, understand, that only Christ can help me where I’m weak. I speak the words that I need Christ to help me where I am weak. But I would not say I often delight in my weakness. I find my weakness annoying, as would be a thorn in my side.

When things go wrong, I want to find the solution, and then suggest to God how WE can fix it. Instead of just taking it to him and see what he would have me do. Same with food, I often take the next diet or program to him and ask him to bless it by making the scale drop. 

This time is different. I’ve taken my hunger to him and asked him to help me exert self control when needed. I’ve asked him to help me learn real hunger from emotional hunger. I’ve asked him to remind me he is enough and that food can never be my comforter, because that is his job.

I'm praying I learn to find JOY in this weakness. That I accept this thorn in my side, that might be here for life. I’ve seen what happens when I think I’ve got this whole thing figured out, I start relying on myself again. I want to stay close to God, more than I want a number on a scale. So, here is to me starting to accept this food struggle, and that it may just be here to stay.