Be Still

I used to love writing and I loved having something worth saying. I don't doubt I still have plenty worth saying, I just find it harder in this season of my life to sit still and listen for the right words to say. That and take the time to write the words down.

Over this long weekend I decided to do just that. Take some time and just be still.

A couple of things have happened over the last year and a half that have impacted my desire to be still. First, did you know that doing nothing together, with someone else, could actually be very relaxing, peaceful, comforting and enjoyable? 😉 Don't get me wrong, I'm all for going out, doing things, and enjoying living life too, but when you can just stop and enjoy the quiet moments too, I'd say that's the best.

I have to admit that while that as true as that is, it's definitely not the real reason I don't have time to be still. Truth is I have plenty of time all to myself. The whole truth is that I choose not to slow down and be still. Over the past year and a half my home has become much quieter. I haven't quite learned yet that silence can be golden.

Since I am still not used to the silence, I tend to fill all of the days with all of the things.

T.V.
Radio
Laundry
Cleaning
Social Media
Shopping
Reading (however, this too is quiet and pushing the envelope)
Going to visit my parents and the puppies
Planning (meals, workouts... anything)
Work

There is always something that can be done to fill time and silence. I remember the days I thought I would never have a quiet house again. From the day Devin learned to do the Tarzan yell right before my sister's wedding to all the playing, reading, talking, just plain being silly, going to practices and games, there was always something to fill the time and silence. There were many days I wished these days away. Times I longed for a little quiet and rest.

Well, those days are here and I find myself completely unsure how to fill the extra time.

I was very young when I became a mother. I didn't have a clue what I wanted to do or who I wanted to be. I've changed so much over the past 19 years. Over those years I worked hard, I gladly made sacrifices so I could be what I thought was the best mom I could be. Some days seemed to go well, other days seemed a total flop. But I love(d) being a mom.

(Side note: Parenting "adult" kids is hard! Am I done? When do I step in? Only when asked? What crosses the line as overly involved? How and when do I let him fail and learn? I mean skinned knees were much easier to allow than the life altering choices of now.)

Regardless, here we sit in present day. A year after all the soccer mom running around ended, six months after high school graduation and you know what I've realized? I still have no idea who I am. So maybe this whole being still thing is hard because I'm afraid I'll have to figure that out. This isn't a bad thing, this can be an exciting thing!

And to help push me to do so, winter has arrived, apparently very early. The days are shorter and colder and that desire to do all the things seems to be waning. The couch calls my name much louder on these days. Maybe taking time this weekend to be intentional about being still will encourage me to do this whole be still thing more moving forward.

Every season in life is a gift to be enjoyed.
Maybe soon I will find more and more peace in the quiet moments and once again enjoy just listening (and maybe writing too!).

Enjoy the Moment

Of all the words you could use to describe me, patient is not one of them. If you feel I'm being patient in any given situation, you can know with almost 100% certainty that there is some effort going into that moment.

I'm definitely a type A personality. Being aware of this I try really hard to not use it in a negative way. But sometimes that is just really hard. I'd say this is where a lot of my anxiety also stems from; a need for control, an unrealistic sense of urgency in pretty much all things, and just general impatience, among other things. Strangely as it may sound even with these things I also tend to procrastinate. I either take on too much, pushing things off until last minute or avoid some things when I become overwhelmed by not being able to complete them perfectly.

I recently finished reading the book "Everybody Always" where the author, Bob Goff spends  some time towards the end of the book telling some stories about his impatience. If you've read any of Bob's books, you know what a great storyteller he is. However, impatience is not a character trait I would have ever imagined he would use to describe himself. I read "Love Does" several years ago and have followed Bob on social media ever since. The words loving, kind, generous and even laid back come to mind, not impatient.

But back to my impatience, it's horrible and I'm sure very frustrating for those close to me. I always need to know the next move, what happens next, how are things going to end. I struggle very much with being in the moment. But the moments are where it's at! Moments are where memories are made. So many thing I just want to get through so I can see what's next.

I think parents do this a lot with kids. Think about it. Parent's are often saying how they can't wait until their babies can crawl, walk, talk, then later go to school, then even get their license and so much in between. Parents can so easily get caught up waiting for the next exciting thing that they blink and suddenly their baby is 18 and registered for college, or maybe that's just me. 😉

I'm guilty of that in nearly everything I do. I've been trying for some time now to be a lot more intentional about enjoying the moment. Time has always been very important to me. Time spent with loved ones is never wasted. You can earn or get more of a lot of things, time is not one of them, I like to make the minutes count. (Just don't keep me waiting, I might get a little grumpy... I'm working on that too.)

However, sometimes I do forget what really counts. I forget that enjoying the moment almost always means slowing down. I forget it may mean that it's ok to have laundry that still needs put away, following someone else's lead, missing a workout here and there, eating the ice cream and staying up a little later.

At the end of reading "Everybody Always" I came across a story where Bob and his adopted son are climbing Kilimanjaro. He said:

"People have asked me what the views were like going up Kilimanjaro. I've told them I don't know. the whole way up, I just kept my eyes fixed on the guide's boots and never looked up. A few times he went over a rock when I would have rather gone around it. But if he went over it, I went over it. Other times he went around a rock I would have rather gone over. But if he went around it, I went around it too. Here's what I learned: when you've got a guide you can trust, you don't have to worry about the path you're on. It's the same lesson I've been learning about Jesus. I'm just trying to follow love's lead."

He goes on to talk about the difficult climb up and no matter how much he struggled and bumped into his guide, the guide never got upset, he just knew that meant Bob was there following his lead. The same is true with Jesus. And He's aware that it's going to be a difficult trip. Bob talks about how when he headed out for the climb he was in a hurry. His guide kept telling him to slow down, which was hard advice for him to take. By the end of the first day Bob said he understood however why he needed to slow down, he was exhausted and he wasn't there yet.

"It's hard to walk with Jesus and run ahead of Him at the same time. Yet I've been doing that my whole life. I've misunderstood going slow as lacking enthusiasm and going fast as joy. I've confused patience as a lack of will and activity as purpose."

What does this men? I think it means we can either run fast and attempt to cross things off our lists or we can slow down to enjoy the moments along the way and find purpose in the journey. It means I can trust my guide because He is the best guide there is.

 

The Comeback

It's Monday morning and I am starting over, again. I spend more days off track than on track anymore it seems. I find I have less words to share. The encourager, motivator, the transparent me just isn't around.

I won't quit. No matter how many Mondays I start again, I won't quit. At least being stubborn works for good somehow. I've come to a point that I question if it's time to walk away from publicly sharing my journey. I've tried this before, came back, but I still feel the pull.

There is so much freedom and fear in that option. I fear getting lazy. However, I felt when I began this journey that God desired me to share the journey, all of the ups and downs. It was awkward and uncomfortable but I know it helped other people continue their journey.

Now, while not gaining back all 120 pounds is a huge win, gaining and losing the same 20 pounds isn't the journey I feel most people want to hear about. It's definitely real but it seems far from encouraging, motivating or what God has asked of me.

I believe this is the part where the words, the transparency gets difficult. If I'm not where God has asked me to be, I lack the desire to share. The question is then, is this where God expected me to be? Because it is possible it is, the struggle makes us that much stronger.

I know when it comes to relationship with Christ I am not where I was when I started this journey. Things got easier, I started to know how to do it myself, I didn't need help to continue. Life was hard when I started, life is still hard but a very different hard than it was in 2013.

Maybe I'm here losing the same 20 pounds over and over until I accept I'm not in control and need help (Go ahead and bring on the 12 steps I teach every single day). Maybe it is time to do this quietly, on my own, well not on my own, the first part of the paragraph still applies.

I've been so back and forth, but I know one thing for sure- I'm ready for a comeback. As we sang "The Stand" in church yesterday morning

"I'll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the one who gave it all
I'll stand
My soul Lord to you surrendered
All I am is yours"

I knew I was ready.

The question is how will I proceed. I'll tell you my plan.

Pray.

My plan until I hear differently is to take a 6 month hiatus from sharing my journey. I, for now, plan to return for 2019. I plan to work very hard for 6 months on me. Still blogging. Still sharing occasionally, maybe even a weekly update, but no daily food pics, or selfies, or workouts. Not centering my life around that journey anymore. Life changes, the journey changes. Ready to spend some time just focusing on me, my relationship with Christ, my health, my family, my friends, work, etc.

At the end of December praying about whether or not it's time to return. God leading all along the way, energizing and refocusing me so I can better help others on their journey!

Trusting Him for the comeback.

2B or not 2B

So in just about 6 months I have a rather big round birthday coming up. I take comfort in knowing that some of my favorite people are celebrating bigger round birthdays this year. This definitely helps mine not seem SO big 😉

However with that approaching round numbered birthday I've been thinking. Things are changing. My body is changing. While most days I still feel very young (as long as I get to bed by around 10pm) I know that I have to start approaching this healthy lifestyle a tad differently.

I've shown you all my progress pic. (If you haven't seen it go take a look here: Progress Pic ) Continual progress is going to get harder, even maintaining is going to get harder as time goes on.

Actually, can I just be really honest here? Two different thought processes are going on in my head.

1. I am turning 40 this year. I  MUST continue making healthy choices to keep me energized, keep the pounds off, maybe slow down some more wrinkles from forming and fight illness.
2. I am turning 40 this year. While I want to be around for another 40, 50, heck, 60 more years, I don't want to count calories and be so rigid all of these years.

I've struggled for quite some time with balance on this journey. I think I had it in the beginning then as pounds became harder to shed the more rigid I became. I don't like rigid me. I like disciplined me, but she is very different than rigid me. I want to re-find the me who chooses healthy MOST of the time, who doesn't "fall off the wagon" because of one poor(er?) choice. I want to find balance. The girl who can make educated choices, eat to fuel, yet enjoy without feeling guilty at times too.

Ultimate Reset was amazing. I felt A-MAZING after completing it. I felt so clean and refreshed, ready to do this again. It was exactly what I needed. It fed the disciplined, yet rigid me. But I needed that in that moment. I needed reminded what I could feel like.

Well, here we are several weeks later and I'm struggling. Struggling with that balance. Struggling with getting rid of the all or nothing thinking I tend to lean towards. So I gave in and agreed to try a new program. I see it working in many people I know. The focus is on changing how you think about food. Changing your relationship with food. There is no calorie, container, or macro counting. The food groups have been simplified. You weigh in daily because the scale is a guide to tell you how the previous day went. Should you repeat that day or no? And drink your water! Sounds simple enough.

I was apprehensive about trying something else, another program, I just want to be "normal". But after more research this may be just what I'm trying to accomplish, a mindset shift. I want to enjoy life, I want to be around and be healthy enough to enjoy life. I don't want food, or calories to control life. If you have never struggled with weight this may seem really silly to you. You may be thinking what a big to do I'm making out of nothing. I hope you never reach a point where your body makes this journey a reality for you. I wish it was a big to do out of nothing. I think well over 90% of people who take on the weight loss journey will tell you that the science of weight loss is simple, it's changing your mindset, the mental aspect of it that makes it difficult. The mental part of the journey is what makes it hard to maintain.

I know with my hypothyroidism and as I do continue to age, the struggle is only going to get more difficult. I'll have more than just the mental struggle working against me. The sooner I can find a balance, the better. Even shifting to maintaining without that being a struggle would be a victory for me.

To make a rather long story short, I'd like to find peace within myself while continuing to strive for being the best me - physically, mentally and of course spiritually.

So come Monday I'm read to start really working on a mind shift. I'm ready to begin educating myself even more about food, trying new foods and letting go of rigid me. I'm ready to bring scripture back to the forefront of this journey, where it belongs. I'm ready to do this!

Who Wants Some Good News?

I feel like I have so much to tell!

I am officially finished with week 1!

I can't say I didn't cheat any, however everything I ate came from the plan. A few nights early on I needed a little something between supper and bedtime so I grabbed some fruit. I partly think it was habit. But I managed to adjust my schedule so that now I don't typically feel I need something else. I also did not eat every meal in the book. I made myself try a few new things but focused on what would allow me to be successful in completing. So I swapped things here and there. I often stuck to the same meals for convenience and budget.

Some food from the week

I think had two big struggles. There was the lack of energy. I seriously went to bed at 7:00 one night. Then there were the power greens to get down. After a little research I learned to do it more as a shot, followed with a lime and chase it with water - and it became not so bad!

Some of you might have thought no coffee would be my downfall, and I absolutely thought it would be too. But I've had zero coffee all week. Do you know how I serve at my church on Sunday mornings? I arrive early to make tons of coffee for the congregation, haha. That was maybe the most challenging individual moment. That and smelling office coffee each morning.

There were a few other times I was very tempted such as; my mom had just pulled brownies out of the oven when I stopped by to visit one day, the smell of taco salad at work and donuts at church. But I stuck to my plan!

One of the main reasons I stayed focused was because of a few ladies who kept messaging me asking how it was going. A couple of them started their own plan, of different kinds, the same day. It was great to be able to encourage one another. They always seemed to message at just the right time. Thank you ladies!

I also think it helped to see the scale moving like it did. I don't think I have ever seen the scale move like that! The only explanation I can come up with is something I was eating was definitely not agreeing with me and causing some major inflammation. I don't anticipate it to continue moving at the rate it did. I will post official week one results Monday here: https://www.facebook.com/mandyhazelfitness/ or here: https://www.instagram.com/MandysJourney2

Mentally and physically I wouldn't say I feel a change yet. I think that is mostly because I've felt so tired. However, it only took a couple of days to realize how much I'd missed a lot of these foods. I would eat how I'm eating every single day and be very content - well, I'd add back some animal products and do the whole package of Shakeology... and  drink coffee... and add peanut butter...

Now I am headed into week 2, "Release". I've been grocery shopping and think I can prep food daily. I did not do as well as I would have like with gratitude journaling and hope to work on that this week.

Let's do this!

The Missing Piece

As a general rule I'd say I believe in second chances, that there is often more to a story, and that there is bright side to most everything.

It wasn't until today that I realized just how much I'm not practicing these beliefs much lately. I believe there is a strong connection between my current eating habits and lack of exercise to my Debbie Downer attitude and increased anxiety.

I haven't counted a calorie or point, or portioned food with a container in well over a month, consistently much longer than that. I haven't weighed in for a month, maybe two. I haven't been doing any consistent workout for quite some time and I've even missed a couple weeks of walking in there.

This cannot continue.
Bring on the experiment!
A pretty drastic experiment... a 21 day experiment

For the next 21 days I am participating in the Ultimate Reset. I have multiple reasons for choosing this program.

1. I need discipline, desperately. This program requires 21 days of hard core nutritional discipline. For months and months I have blamed my plateaus and gains on weekend treats. Well, It's time to face the truth, and the truth is I've treated most weekdays like I deserve some treats as well. It's time to ditch the excuses.

2. This program focuses solely on nutrition. I can continue to walk and then worry about adding strength training back in when I'm done. Baby steps.

3. I've got some serious stomach issues and have for a very long time, I'm talking years. This program is going to slowly eliminate all meat and dairy, actually I will be building to a completely vegan diet by the 3rd week. Then after the 21 days are complete I will begin to add foods back slowly over the following 3 weeks. This will allow me to finally tell what is causing me some of my problems.

4. I believe all of this added sugar and these processed foods are what's keep me from being my best, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally too. Far too many down days, far too much anxiety, far too much not feeling like me. I don't like it at all. I am 100% sure 21 days of clean eating will improve this.

One of the biggest things besides noticing my increased anxiety is realizing how my outlook on things is changing. I'm not always looking for the brighter side, at least not until much later. Not near as much finding the good in every day, something I preach so often to others. Part of my reset will also include a gratitude journal. Maybe I'll share some weekly highlights.

I actually started working on this part immediately. And I realized quickly how much changing my thinking changed how I was viewing a couple of situations I was stewing over. I also want to make sure others know what they mean to me. Life gets busy, but it's also short. I think we often assume people know from our interactions what they mean to us. I challenge you to tell someone every day!

5. The pants are fitting entirely too tight. I refuse to buy new pants. A jump start to getting back on track can't hurt.

The next 21 days are going to be hard. Did I mention I am asked to eliminate coffee? I am not responsible for what happens when un-caffeinated. I kid! This is where I hope a lot of gratitude journaling will help.

I am super excited, anxious, and nervous to get started. I've started and quit so much lately. I MUST do this for me. I've been prepping food today and I feel ready to go.

If you don't yet, you - yes YOU- should follow me here: facebook.com/mandyhazelfitness and/or here: www.instagram.com/MandysJourney2

I'll be posting in those two places daily about my journey and trying to post even more in my stories there. I also plan (fingers crossed) to do a weekly recap here.

Here's to finding the missing piece!

Do you trust him?

After many poor choices of my own making I struggle with trust. Maybe most of all I don't trust myself. Not trusting myself affects every aspect of life - work, parenting, friendships, relationships, personal goals, and yes even spiritually.

I think we all have these days, but sometimes it becomes hard to fathom anyone, especially Christ could love me - unconditionally. I find it hard some days to rest in what I know is the Truth.

{For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16}

I also find it extremely hard to accept the words wait. Waiting seems stagnant, maybe even unloving, like putting something on the back burner. More trust and faith has never been needed than when I hear the word wait.

While I'm still struggling with the idea of a season of waiting, I'm learning to find beauty in it. My pastor recently made a comment about how it's a beautiful sight when we are obedient in what we were made to do, in the season we were made to do it in. Think the trees and their changing beauty in the changing seasons.

So here I am waiting, looking for beauty. Trusting God and His timing.

{"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6}

Waiting not only helps with the trusting, it strengthens that relationship overall. It reminds me that I am not in control. God is. And while I've allowed myself to become so narrowly focused on the end result (of seemingly everything) I've missed out on the beauty of each moment, each season.

God already knows how each chapter ends, how each chapter begins. I do not need to worry. I need to trust and focus on Him every single day. Obedience to God in each moment is far more important than trying to figure out the ending.

So every time I get anxious about an unknown, whether it is work, parenting, friendships, relationships, weight loss, absolutely anything, I need to start looking for the beauty. Trusting that God has a plan and purpose for that moment, for that season.

Simple.

I host an online accountability group and we do daily check-ins and set weekly goals. One of the participants this week stated her goal as this:

"When I workout, go hard.

When I eat, eat simple."

I love this!

I love Beachbody. I love all of the programs at all of the fitness levels. I love that every program comes with a nutirition guide to help people know where to start and get THE BEST results.

Here's the problem, my personal problem, if I don't do it, it's never going to work.

I've been at this get healthy journey for several years. I know what works for me. I've spent a lot of time getting to know how MY body works. I've learned how some "good for you" foods make me feel horrible. I know I can't do high intensity/high impact workouts before the sun comes up. I know that every 3-5 weeks, for 1-3 weeks, I'm going to lose all motivation, hurt everywhere, crave sugar and cry at the drop of a hat (including when I have nothing to wear/that fits right).

So why is it I find myself trying to keep up with the latest and greatest. Why do I feel horrible about myself when I commit to things I know my body is not going to allow and I end up quitting.

Yes, I need discipline, especially in my nutrition. I'm fairly certain however if I stuck to the motto above, worked hard and ate simple, this journey would go a lot smoother.

I need to think about what my current goals are. I need to consider life as is currently happening. Personally, life is changing at a pace I can't currently keep up with. All good! But I just don't have time for some of the extras I once did. Maybe one day that will happen again, until then it's time to get back to MY reality. It's time to stop comparing my journey to anyone else's. It's time to use all the tools, really use them in the way they work for me!

With that being said, I've tried 80 Day Obsession twice and I have failed miserably twice. I just do not have, or cannot, or maybe will not make the time to do the program as written. I loved most of the workouts but I just cannot do the hour some of the days required.

I can however commit to my morning walks and a 30 minute strength training workout at least five days a week. Thankfully, Beachbody on Demand offers me all of the programs online so I am excited to start making my own hybrids. I can make them a week at a time, taking into consideration my week ahead. This seems way less overwhelming to me.

I do want to say kudos to everyone absolutely ROCKING 80 DAY OBSESSION!!! I dream to one day be as committed as you. I am loving watching your progress, do not give up!

But for now, I need to do what works for me. Of course I'm still going to post my progress, and I'm much more hopeful there will be progress this way. 

You can find me here: https://www.facebook.com/mandyhazelfitness/

I'll post my weekly calendar in my accountability group each Sunday too. If anyone would like to join me in my weekly workout calendar adventure, let me know! 

Oh, and nutrition? 

While planning I will:

⇨ Think about containers for balanced nutrition

⇨ Think about consuming natural/ non processed foods

⇨ But count calories

It was almost a year ago I declared I wanted to simplify things. Figure this out as a lifestyle. I believe ever since then life has turned nearly upside down in every imaginable way and I've allowed that to be an excuse. Not anymore. I'm ready to do this! I'm ready to figure out how to balance difficult choices and living life.

Who's ready to do this with me???

Dare to Dream

Martin Luther King Jr is famous for his dreams. He had a dream about an end to racism. He had a dream about equality. He had a dream about change regarding civil and economic rights.

I too have a dream.

I dream that no one would ever want to lose themselves in an attempt to become invisible.

I dream that those who have lost themselves, who have made themselves invisible, would find the courage and strength to come alive.

I dream that everyone would desire to use their physical, spiritual and mental gifts to not only pursue a relationship with Christ but glorify Him through those strengths every day.

I didn't set out on this journey to reach a number on the scale, although I have a numerical goal. I didn't set out to buy a certain size of jeans or be able to run a marathon (that's still not a goal 😉).

I set out on this journey because I finally realized I had lost me somewhere. I realized that even though I was lost in there somewhere I was far from being "too far gone".

I didn't realize that as I let myself get heavier and heavier I was building a cocoon around myself. I was making my own protection and barrier to shield me from the rest of the world. It was part of what I realize now was me subconsciously avoiding reality.

I was making an effort to distance myself from an old me.

Then came the winter and spring of 2013. During this time I grew so incredibly close to Christ as I had to depend on him for strength to get though each day. As I started to rely on Him for daily strength I understood I could rely on Him with every other thing in life too.

I could trust Him to help me face hard things, the hard things I'd been avoiding. I could trust Him to help me find myself, the self He knew was in there. I could walk away from that past, but create a much better future. It was then that this journey began.

A journey to dig deep and begin to find the real me. A journey to follow where God leads. A journey to be healthy so everything else can take place.

Why did you, or when will you, start your journey?

Breaking Up is Hard To Do

And just like that it was time to say good-bye.

I avoided having this relationship for a long time. Maybe that is where a lot of the problem began. From that first moment when our relationship began I never dreamed that I would eventually hand over so much power and control. I never dreamed that my mood, even my entire day could be affected so greatly by you. If someone would have told me that I would ever let you determine my worth I would have laughed right in their face. No matter how many times I make excuses, you have become an obsession, an unhealthy priority, even a god. I've let you consume me.

If we were to take a trip back in time, back to when it all began, I remember you very fondly. You were so good to me! You always told me what I wanted to hear. You gave me the confidence I needed to continue to pursue my goals and to just be me. Somehow over time I have begun to realize that things are no longer healthy between us.

I've actually known for awhile now that this day was coming, but I really never thought it would be today. Knowing that the day was coming doesn't really make it any easier. Which goes to show just how much power I've let you have over me. But today is the day I say no more. Today is the day I take back control. Today is the day I re-evaluate what determines my self worth. Today I refocus on my why, which is to be the healthiest me I can be. 

Today I am breaking up with my scale. (Did I get ya 😉)

It was weigh in day today. I've weighed in a lot over the past several weeks and I keep getting the same result. I was so hoping today would be different. It wasn't. The scale told me that after 4 weeks of hard work I had not lost or gained one pound. I stood there staring down at the exact same number it gave me 4 weeks ago. To the ounce. I've seen it fluctuate over the weeks, but never below this number, only up then back to here.

If you have been following me at all you've hopefully noticed that I am back in this healthy life thing full steam ahead. I'm eating healthy. I'm working out regularly. I'm ready to take off this weight I put on last year and maybe then some. After 4 weeks of healthy food choices and working out incredibly hard I expected to see a little progress.

In that moment, standing there on the scale, I got so frustrated. I didn't care about the healthy food choices I had been making. I didn't care about how much stronger I felt in my workouts after just a few weeks. I didn't care that mentally I felt better. I didn't care that clothes fit better already. I cared that the number on the scale did not budge from the last time I recorded a weight at the first of the year. 

I felt that I was failing. What a false statement. I had been successful! I had made healthy choices. I was treating my body well and fueling it instead of just feeding it. I forgot that I felt really good until that silly number popped up.

So I thought about it for a little bit. I thought about my goal to get rid of the scale sometime this year. When making that promise to myself, I honestly thought I would hit some milestones before that happened. But, maybe that's not how it's going to work. I'm not ready to ditch it completely. I'm going to allow myself to weigh in the first of each month (today counting for my February weigh in), with the understanding that if at any time it continues to frustrate me AND I've been making healthy choices, it has to go away for a much longer period of time.

I've tried justifying in my head why I should keep it. 

"If you don't weigh you won't know if you are overeating."
False: Log your foods, buy healthy foods, listen to your body that is how you will know.

"If you don't weigh you won't know if this new timed nutrition plan is really working for you."
False: See above rationale. Listen to your body!

"If you don't weigh you will go crazy."
False: You were going crazy every time you stepped on the scale. This may help your sanity.

"If you don't weigh you will have no idea what great progress you are making."
False: There are other ways to measure success, embrace them!

Truth is, I should celebrate each workout, each healthy meal, everything thing I do to promote my spiritual and mental health. I should celebrate a little every single time I treat myself the way God intended I treat myself. I'm pretty sure I don't need a scale to help me do that.

Is this going to be easy for me?

Absolutely not. The scale is going to have to be put away somewhere that I can't get to it without asking for it. Won't my teenager be happy to help me with that?

After contemplating that stupid number for a bit I took some progress pictures. I'd love to show them to you but I'm not that comfortable. I don't think it's all in my head as I am trying to reassure myself that the month wasn't a complete fail. I think those pictures really did show progress. I also know some shirts fit different. I know that I'm stronger and notice progress in what I am able to do in my workouts every single week.

The journey continues... scaleless for now!

Fierce

It is the season of resolutions. I hereby resolve not to make any resolutions in 2018. Wait, I think I just messed that up!

Point is I'm going to set some goals for myself. I have a big birthday coming up at the end of 2018 and there are some things I would like to accomplish along the way before the big 4-0 arrives.

So I realized on New Years Day that I really hadn't given much thought to a resolution, as I usually do. I guess I also know that I never keep them so figured what's the point. But I was interested in making some goals, because otherwise how do you know what you are aiming for.

If 2017 taught me anything (it taught me A LOT), it taught me that a lot of potentially life changing things happen when you least expect them. The good stuff and the bad stuff. I expect 2018 to be no different,.

I feel like a lot of my resolutions and goals in the past were so rigid they allowed no room for life to happen in the midst of them. It was stick to the plan or fail. Well, another thing I learned in 2017 was I'd like to live life a little more (I say as I sit on my couch on a Saturday night writing a blog... but it's really cold out, so there's that.) I had to figure out a way to come up with things that promote living, and living life to my fullest, healthiest potential. And hey, maybe having a list to work towards will give me some things to write about. We both win!... well, maybe.

Here is what I came up with:

💗 Pay off debt. I want to say all debt. I also want to be realistic. I want to make a budget that makes a good sized dent in any debt I have.

💗 I want to be BRAVE! My brave looks far different than some other peoples brave. I want to try something new every single month. Suggestions and ideas are welcomed! This one is going to be very difficult for me. I will definitely need a little encouragement and support.

Joshua 1:9

💗 I want to travel somewhere I have never been before!

💗 I need to make time for all those pesky medical things I generally avoid. I talk a lot about health and wellness but I'll admit I avoid doctors like the plague. (Sorry doctors!) I will get my thyroid leveled out and I will start in on those recommended screenings. Maybe there aren't as many since I haven't hit 40 yet.

💗 I will see Devin graduate high school. But let's not talk about this yet.

💗 I am challenging myself to throw away my scale. I just want to be fit. Being fit has zero to do with the number that pops up on that thing. If I choose healthy, real food the majority of the time. If I move everyday for at least 30 minutes, then the scale is truly irrelevant. If I am making healthy choices physically and nutritionally then the scale has no power. My body will do what it is designed to do, if I treat it the way it needs to be treated and feed it the fuel it needs for each day that I am given. This too will be really hard and should probably just be done immediately.

💗 I want to walk 1,000 miles in 2018! This is roughly 84 miles a month or 20 miles a week. Want to know how many miles I have so far here on January 6? Zero. Zero miles. And yes, I own a treadmill and those miles count too. Still zero miles. Maybe it won't be so cold soon and I'll get some outdoor walking going again.

💗 Lastly, I want to learn to love life fiercely, passionately, without reserve. I want those around me -family, friends, strangers to know they are loved because let's be real, I can have some recluse, anti-social and a little awkward sometimes. 😊  I want to truly invest in everything I participate in. Jesus definitely loves me, difficult me, fiercely, I should learn to do the same. Jesus definitely lived his life fiercely, I should learn to do the same.

I would love for you to share with me some of your goals for the upcoming year!

Drop them in the comments and feel free to use these hashtags throughout the year with me!