Do you trust him?

After many poor choices of my own making I struggle with trust. Maybe most of all I don't trust myself. Not trusting myself affects every aspect of life - work, parenting, friendships, relationships, personal goals, and yes even spiritually.

I think we all have these days, but sometimes it becomes hard to fathom anyone, especially Christ could love me - unconditionally. I find it hard some days to rest in what I know is the Truth.

{For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16}

I also find it extremely hard to accept the words wait. Waiting seems stagnant, maybe even unloving, like putting something on the back burner. More trust and faith has never been needed than when I hear the word wait.

While I'm still struggling with the idea of a season of waiting, I'm learning to find beauty in it. My pastor recently made a comment about how it's a beautiful sight when we are obedient in what we were made to do, in the season we were made to do it in. Think the trees and their changing beauty in the changing seasons.

So here I am waiting, looking for beauty. Trusting God and His timing.

{"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6}

Waiting not only helps with the trusting, it strengthens that relationship overall. It reminds me that I am not in control. God is. And while I've allowed myself to become so narrowly focused on the end result (of seemingly everything) I've missed out on the beauty of each moment, each season.

God already knows how each chapter ends, how each chapter begins. I do not need to worry. I need to trust and focus on Him every single day. Obedience to God in each moment is far more important than trying to figure out the ending.

So every time I get anxious about an unknown, whether it is work, parenting, friendships, relationships, weight loss, absolutely anything, I need to start looking for the beauty. Trusting that God has a plan and purpose for that moment, for that season.