Balancing Act

"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is in all. Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."

Colossians 3:1-17

Of course I've read this before but today this speaks really loudly to me. Lately I've struggled with a battle I think we all struggle with at some point in our lives; balance. I also know that at least 50% (ok, probably more) of the time I'm going about this struggle all wrong. I'm somehow trying to balance God among the other things of life such as church, work, parenting, family, friends, diet/health- the list could just go on and on, when I know nothing balances with God. He is the scale to balance with. 

If I would just take these scriptures (and of course the rest of the Bible too ;-) ) and apply them ALL the time, this issue with balance I perceive I have would be no more. Since I know I have been raised with Christ, my heart should be set on things above-all the time, not just when I remember or when it's convenient. My thoughts should be focused on the things above, not earthly things. If this were the case for me I would not be worried about things such as a job, or what other people think, or why I'm still single (haha, if you know me, you know I truly don't worry about this so much) or a laundry list of other things that capture my thoughts day in and day out. If I truly took these words to heart, my life and everything in it should point directly to Christ and all of his promises. There should be an obvious difference between my desires and those of people around me who are unbelievers. There are in some areas, but could I say all?

These scriptures provide lists of things we are required to walk away from. Things that may have been a part of our former life, but that we are to die from now. Things such as sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires, greed, anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language. There should also be continual growth not only in my faith, but in knowledge. The more I know about God, the closer I become to him, the more I willingly let him mold me to be more like him.

And then some of the tougher stuff at least for me. Questions arise such as where then is the line for when to let go of a person or situation and when do I "clothe myself with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience"? Forgiving as the Lord forgives us? Having unity with those who have done us wrong? (Lord knows this can be a struggle.) And especially among fellow believers, which I think is what is being referred to here. Sometimes it seems these are the hurts that cut the deepest. Maybe because we expect more? And don't for a minute think I exclude myself from the group that needs to be forgiven. No way! I'm just as guilty of hurting others as the next guy, maybe more, depending on the day.

However I do long for the unity through love, spoken about in verse 14. This unity, this love would be, should be so healing. These verses tell us we were called to this peace, so why is it not happening? What am I missing that I should be doing? 

Verse 17 says "And whatever you do, whether in word or in deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." 

Word, deed, thoughts, music, movies, books, work, ministries, parenting, friendships, relationships, worship, dieting- EVERYTHING we do.

Set your heart and mind on the things above... do it in the name of Jesus, giving thanks!

No need to balance that.

Wednesday Weigh In!

I wrote my Wednesday weigh in post before I even weighed in. This way I can honestly write about how I think my week went before I see the number. And yes I switched my weigh in day to Wednesday... the post title seems to have a ring to it ;)

So here are the non scale victories of the week:

* I did not weigh in everyday! Only weighed last Wednesday when I knew I was going to be switching my day

* I put on a pair of pants, accidentally, that were 2 sizes smaller than I normally wear right now and they buttoned and zipped. However much too tight to be caught dead in.

* I did not eat out at all and tried harder to incorporate more fruits and veggies. (No sweets or soda either)

*I worked out. Finally. Ok, so it was officially only one workout and that was yesterday. But I also painted and moved the entire contents of my room, twice, that counts for something.

All in all I would call this a successful week no matter what the scale says. I know that I'm fueling my body with things it needs now. This in itself will begin to change me from the inside out!

So what did that scale say?

On the 19th I was down 2 pounds form the 16th and today I was down 2 more pounds from the 19th. Bringing my total to 10 pounds down since June 1!

And want to see my weight loss visual I made:

Inside are buttons I move over for every 10th of a pound I lose.

Surely God is my help;
    the Lord is the one who sustains me.

Psalm 54:4

Day 16

This second full week has gone fairly well. Other than my obsession with the scale which I am not letting happen again this week, and lack of exercise (again) I can say I have been faithful to being cautious about what foods I allow to fuel me. I continue to need much prayer and reminder that this is what this is all about. It's time to stop thinking of food as something to comfort me or something for pure pleasure. Food is something that makes our bodies work. It only needs food that makes your body healthy. This is a very hard concept for me to grasp and one I must continually remind myself of. It is a journey, I won't get it right the first time every time. So while weight loss I know will be a result of this journey it is not the ultimate goal. To be healthy, to not let food rule me (or the scale), to dare I say, not worship food is the ultimate goal.

So, Sunday almost as soon as I posted that the first week had been fabulous, it hit me. A headache that lasted for four days and a very nauseated stomach. My body was definitely rejecting the changes I was making. But I am happy to say I did not give in. Well except for that one time I had dinner with a friend and we decided to go for custard, but I think that's allowed every now and then :) I kept it small and only ate what I wanted of it. I honestly still do not crave sweet things. Even on the night I had dinner out I managed to stay under calorie goal, by 8 calories, but I made it! I think after I tackle sweets for a month I will begin to tackle another something to enhance the journey. Not sure what that something will be quite yet, but I do know what it will not be... carbs, That is a battle I believe I will have to face but that is just too much good stuff too much too soon. Working out should probably be my next goal, since I'm still pretty much a failure when it comes to them. Currently my workouts are still basically nonexistent. I did do some serious cleaning this week and some garden work that I think counted for something. For now my goal is to just move more and it's working. I know once I start working out I will not stop. I love working out, I don't know why it's so hard to get started but it is. It's coming, just wait for it.

Then there was the battle with the scale. Last week I switched from a dial scale to a digital scale to weigh in each week. I weighed on both so that I would know what the difference was and where to start this week. But for some reason I found myself getting on the scale every morning. And by Monday the scale had already said I gained 2 pounds! Which is probably why I continued to get on it every morning thereafter. By Saturday morning I had had enough however. I prayed that God would give me the courage to not drag the scale out and step on it. That whatever the scale told me Sunday morning would be fine. That I had stayed on plan all week and no matter what it said I knew my body was healthier this week than last. And He did, He helped me leave it put away and not step back on it until this morning and you want to know what it told me... Not only was I back down the 2 pounds that it told me all week I had gained, but I was down 2 pounds from the week before! So in total so far I have lost 6 pounds. Seems so small when looking at the big picture but I will take every ounce that gets me closer to goal. And I, prayerfully, will not let myself become obsessed with scale ever again. From previous experience, I know this is easier said than done, but I also know I can't let that number rule how I feel about myself.

So here's to week 3. Staying on plan and moving more than the week before!

Week 1 = Success!

I promised an update and here it is. This week was hard. The end.


I kid.

This was a difficult, stressful, busy week. I could have very easily said I would start fresh next week when things calmed down. But, I didn't. And I didn't even really want to. Saturday was the hardest day and I'd be lying if I said no emotional eating took place. But I kept it mostly healthy, if you don't count the pizza (no one felt like cooking) and got through. I gave up soda and chocolatey, sugary, no good snack food this week. (You may have read my post about that, haha) There were times better choices could have been made, like relay for life's fish and fries. I have gone back to using myfitnesspal.com and only barely went over my calorie goal one day. That was a night I stayed with my grandpa and was up over 24 hours, so I don't think that even counts really. I was never hungry between meals or snacks this week and I continually prayed to God to help me. This is the only way this is getting done, through prayer.

I have not exercised once yet. But I do have more free time now so there are no more excuses for not doing something at least three times a week.

After only one week I feel better. Each week I trust God to help through this journey will get me one week closer to goal. Only through prayer, scripture and accountability will I see my goal accomplished.

So, want to know my week 1 weight loss total?

4 pounds!

(Hoping there is no week 2 curse weigh in like they have on the biggest loser. Seeing those numbers move is so encouraging.)

Confession

Unglued.  Come apart. Melt down.  All descriptive words of my behavior Wednesday afternoon. I blame it on the lack of sugar and caffeine this week.  I'd blame it on the devil but I'm pretty sure that is exactly what my pastor told us last Sunday we can't do. So I blame sugar and caffeine.

This week my son is helping at VBS and I am missing being there each day.  But caregiving and other duties have kept me away most days. My son is also doing a basketball camp at a university about 30 minutes away every afternoon.

My son, Devin, is 13 and he is going through all those lovely 13 year old boy changes.  Apparently an attitude comes as a side order with these changes.  Well, I didn't order the attitude and I'm not sure where to take it back to so apparently we (he) must learn to overcome it. Sigh.

Monday and Tuesday of camp I tried to find things to do to occupy my time while Devin was at camp.  Wednesday however I was out of ideas and decided I would just take a book and hang out in the gym.  They were having competitions and I knew other parents had stayed everyday so this shouldn't be an embarrassment.

I apparently was wrong.

The idea of me coming in was met with a hefty attitude.  Apparently I make Devin nervous.  In my mind I found it very ungrateful and disrespectful to tell me, the one who paid for the camp and took time to to bring him to camp everyday that he rather I find something else to do. There was lots of eye rolling involved as well. Eye rolling meet mom's boiling point. The frustration with his current new behaviors had been building for awhile, I had tried being rational for apparently as long as I was capable. I completely lost it. It was not pretty. But it was short lived. I soon felt God's presence reigning me back in saying "Whoa, what happened here? "

I began to calm down but Devin had not. So we continued to battle. More attitude from him, more sharp words from me. All of which were true but if they had been spoken in a different tone and different setting would have been much more effective. At one point The truth in my heart came out. I reacted so strongly because I see my son's behavior as a reflection of how I'm raising him. As a single mother it feels as though it rests on my shoulders alone.  (That's a lot of weight that I know good and well I don't have to carry alone- Palms 55:22, Matthew 11:28-30). This is however the only part of my meltdown that got through to him.

I basically told Devin it was time for him to decide to overcome his nerves and I was coming in. Compassionate huh? I assured him that although he is cute my eyes would not be glued on him for four hours, I was in the middle of a book and looking forward to some quiet reading time. I apologized for my behavior and told him that not only is he a great basketball player but a great kid and I wished he could see that about himself.  And most of all I loved him and God loved him. We discussed how satan was surely enjoying watching us behave this way and we can't give him that pleasure anymore.

Then Jesus reminded us that He always gets the victory and He is always there! I asked my son if he trusted Jesus enough to take his nerves away.  He said yes - to which I asked why He wasn't asking Him to then (I should really take my own advice here). I reminded him that he should pray every single time he feels those nerves rising up, eventually they will be less and less. And guess what! My son brought home the trophy as the 2013 basketball camp knockout champion! God always gets the victory!

And He wasn't done. We were walking out of the gym, discussing his new title when a dad of one of the other campers approached me. He chased us down to tell me that my son is awesome. Seriously.  He told me he was a principal and around a lot of kids and he knew by watching my son this week that he was a very well behaved kid.  He actually said "I just want you to know you are doing a great job with him".

I almost cried. This man had no idea about my meltdown or about the things I said to Devin just hours before. God sent that man to me to say just those words and I am so thankful.  Thankful he was obedient to come tell me. Thankful my son could hear a complete stranger praise him. Thankful God used a person to speak actual words to me, because sometimes I can be so slow. Thankful I have a 13 year old boy who gives me lots of teachable moments to help him grow and mature. Thankful for a God so much bigger than I could ever dream of, who can use even my moments of defeat for His good (Romans 8:28).

You heard it here first...

I'm all about missions. God-centered, God-driven missions. I currently have several missions going on and some options I'm still exploring. Missions never end, this isn't a post about look at what great things I can do because I don't feel that way at all. I think missions should be a part of our daily lives.

Acts 1:8 says "But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."

I seek God's guidance daily for ways to accomplish Acts 1:8. At home one of my missions is currently caring for my Grandpa. At this time care means physically caring for him 4-5 days a week. However that may soon change and I will be given the opportunity to serve in an entirely different way. A mission I'm really excited about is just now coming to fruition it's a mentoring/discipling group for women/girls in the community. This has been on my heart for years and to finally be on the verge of experiencing it is exciting!  My women's Sunday school class is very missionally driven, especially when it comes to our community. We continually try to meet physical needs of families. And to the ends of the earth? Belize? I still have not said yes to this mission trip. It is still weighing very heavily on my heart. There are many things I can do right here to help provide for the people of Belize, and I will. I imagine if 2014 is not my year to go to Belize, 2015 will be!

I am just bursting with excitement about all the possibilities! There are so many opportunities nestled inside those listed above. I couldn't even begin to know them all yet. I have been praying for these opportunities for years! I'm so excited to see God moving and to be connected with so many people in my life whose hearts desire the same.

And then there is the self mission of sorts, that starts today. This is the toughest mission of them all, but the one that is needed to allow me to be the best representation of Christ I can be as I carry out the other missions He has planned for me. Digging into God's word and growing in my relationship with Him has revealed a need in my own life I just can't ignore. I can spend all my time becoming spiritually prepared but if my physical body is unable to take the message to the places he calls me to, then I have a problem.

I've said it for months now that I need to get out of my own way. Satan has convinced me to allow my insecurities keep me from doing things I should do. He's encouraged me to seek comfort in chocolate and many other wonderful tasting foods.

No more. I've done this before and been successful at least for short periods of time, so I know it can be done. However those times were all for purely selfish reasons. The difference this time is I feel God has shown me this has to be done. I can't ignore the mission of taking care of myself physically any less than taking care of myself spiritually or meeting the physical needs of others.

So you heard it here first and I promise try not to bore you about it. But I do ask that you hold me accountable to this very personal physical mission, and I will try to give weekly update. My plan to reach my goal is to learn to eat solely for fueling my body, by planning my meals and snacks in advance; get more active, starting with walking 3-5 times a week; and in the end dropping over 100 lbs (maybe eventually I'll give you the actual number!)

Will I fail? Yep, if I try to do this on my own, for me I will fail miserably. (Honestly, I've already "failed" today, but I had the ice cream and threw the rest of the container in the trash... done.) In the end I will succeed, so long as I remember this is not about me but about being able to serve God in the ways He has designed me to.