Ruined

I truly believe God puts people, books, songs, etc in our lives during specific seasons for specific reasons. We can often return to those songs, books, and memories after years of not thinking about them and still know what God was doing in our lives at that time. Right now the book completely ruining me is "7: an experimental mutiny against excess" by Jen Hatmaker. And when I say ruin, I mean it in the best way possible. I think I've already established here my need to just step aside and be ruined. Right now I feel like God is almost yelling at me.

It's like He's saying "Do I have to spell it out for you"?
To which I reply "Yes? Please spell it out for me- I don't want to get it wrong".

(Do you think God does the head shake? If so,  please insert God shaking his head here.)

Regardless God's getting kind of noisy lately... or maybe I'm just actually paying more attention to Him. But one way or another it is apparent the lines of communication are open and working. I know something is coming. Something exciting. Something possibly scary, but exciting. I don't know what the actual "it" is, which is what makes it scary. Scary in the, I would like to know how this ends before it even begins kind of way. Every book that holds my attention lately, whether it's meant to or not stirs the same feelings in me. Sermons- Did he/they just bring that up too? Movies- Ok, I hear you. Bible study- I promise I'm listening, I see the trend. I just have no clue what to do with it. And I think, I think He says, wait- not quite time yet- keep listening. But don't walk away, not even for a second. Be ready for the moment- it's so close. However I think we all know, His so close, and my so close may not be exactly the same.

Ok, so back to 7. I've mentioned this book briefly before but you must know more. 7 is a 7 month fast from 7 different areas of our lives.

Month 1: Food
Month 2: Clothes
Month 3: Possessions
Month 4: Media
Month 5: Waste
Month 6: Spending
Month 7: Stress

I've just finished reading month 6. Month 3 and month 6 are turning my thinking upside down right now and I haven't even actually done the fast, I've only read the book. Here's what I don't get, these months are about possessions and spending... and I'm poor. How are these the two months the ones that are wrecking me? I think it's because I understand that while in this country I am definitely at the bottom end of the wealthy measuring stick, compared to those in other countries I'm doing well. While in America there are many things I cannot afford, I'm still rich. I have a job, I have a car, I have a family that loves me, we never go hungry, we have clothes, shoes, etc. I've never been big on particular brands or having to have the latest. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy "stuff", but I just don't feel I have to have the latest and greatest, I'm generally satisfied if it works. But I definitely still live like an American, I have stuff for the sake of having stuff.

Then there is church. I've read books such as Radical, which talk about the "American church", but 7, specifically day 25 month 6, is really painting a picture for me. Take a look:

"But the feast has a partner in the rhythm of the gospel: the fast. 

It's practice is unmistakable in Scripture. Hundreds of times we see reduction, pouring out, abstinence, restraint. We find our Bible heroes fasting from food- David, Esther, Nehemiah, Jesus. We see the Philippian church fasting from self-preservation, sending Paul money in spite of their own poverty, a true sacrifice. John the Baptist says if we have two coats, one belongs to the poor. The early church sold their possessions and live communally, caring for one another and the broken people in their cities. We see God explain his idea of a fast: justice, freedom, food for the hungry, clothes for the naked. This balance is a given in scripture.

If we ignored the current framework of the church and instead opened the Bible for a definition, we find Christ followers adopting the fast simultaneously with feast. We don't see the New Testament church hoarding the feast for themselves, gorging, getting fatter and fatter and asking for more; more Bible studies, more sermons, more programs, classes, training, conferences, information, more feasting for us. 

At some point, the church stopped living the Bible and decided just to study it, culling feast parts and whitewashing the fast parts. We are addicted to the buffet, skillfully discarding the costly discipleship required after consuming. The feast is supposed to sustain the fast, but we go back for seconds and thirds and fourths, stuffed to the brim and fat with activity. All this is for me. My goodness, my blessings, my privileges, my happiness, my success. Just one more plate." (Jen Hatmaker 7: An experimental mutiny against excess)

Are we feasting on church just like we feast on everything else? It seems to me we just might be. This makes me uncomfortable. This bothers me so much I have thought about it over and over since I read it. It's not like it's even a new thought, or something I have never heard before, just not in this way. And I'll be honest, I just don't like this thought. I like structure and organization. I like church, I like being taught and learning. ( I always enjoyed school). But when is enough, enough? Obviously we must gather together and the church service has it's place, but, when do we or when did we stop being the church and just start doing church? When did we decide to feast and never fast? I realize now, this is somewhat the base of what God has been speaking into my heart for months. And now that I understand that, I'm pretty sure He expects me to do something with it. He's speaking about something else as well and I can almost bet the two will fit together somehow.
How?
When?
What?
Where?
I'm not sure yet, but I take comfort in knowing He knows and as long as I remain in Him, He will remain in me. He will continue to reveal to me what comes next. Step by step.

Lord,
Thank you for your word. Thank for revealing your plans for our lives through your word. Continue to show me the plans you have for my life Lord. While I wish I knew exactly what was going to happen or maybe even just when, I trust in you. I trust that you have no plans to harm me and everything you plan for my life is for good. Lord, use me. My prayer always has been and continues to be, that I would be your hands and feet. Please show me how to stop feasting and start doing. Please help me to stop making it about me, and making it all about You. Help me to find balance by being part of a healthy church, meaning we don't just feast on your Word, but that we live it out as well.
In Jesus name I pray,
Amen