Why Wait?

I'm stepping outside of my usual blogging box today. I must admit this is way more uncomfortable than the usual discomfort in general sharing. I usually avoid, "popular" topics and opinions and stick to less weighty (pun intended 😉) topics.

It all started when I saw a meme that randomly evoked a super strong emotional response in me this morning. The meme was a picture of the elderly Rose from Titanic. It said "Rose has now accused Jack of misconduct on the Titanic... It's been 84 years."

This my friends, is why women never say a word. This is why a woman may choose to carry her assault in silence, potentially forever.

This post is not open for discussion as to whether or not everyone coming out and claiming harrassment or assualt is honest. It's not mine or anyone else's place to judge. I do pray that if any are dishonest they understand the harm they are causing those who have actually lived the nightmare.

I pray that instead of judging we, as a collective person, would wrap our arms of comfort and love around any woman brave enough to speak out about her assault, whether it is moments later, weeks later, or even years later.

I don't believe I am naive in saying that many of the women speaking out now, years later, aren't even seeking justice, they are seeking peace. They need a weight lifted they have carried alone for far too long. They have found a moment in time to be heard and believed, regardless of how high profile, or even quiet their case/voice may be. They have come to this moment to be heard and maybe be a part of shaping the culture for future generations.

With sexual assault being a top headline nearly every day there are thousands, no I would imagine hundreds of thousands of women suffering in silence, reliving their attack again countless times each week. Reliving it no matter how long ago it happened, or how much they thought they had healed. This is what is causing what seems like an explosion in reporting. (That and the media realizes people are taking it in and keep rolling with it)

The toll this continued headline is having mentally on women who have never spoke out is exhausting. I believe the longer this continues to be a top headline, more women will continue to find courage and empowerment to tell their secret. Even if just to let other women know that it's OK to share. The more women who speak out now, the more we can give women the courage to report their assault in real time. Maybe the more women who begin to feel courageous enough to report their assault in real time the less assaults there will be to report.

But what is happening in these women's most courageous moment?

We are silencing them again. Silencing them because they waited too long. Reminding them of why they chose to never speak up in the first place.

No one will believe me.

His word against mine.

It could ruin my relationship/marriage.

Maybe it is my fault.

People will think differently of me.

It's too late, nothing can be done about it anyway.

Shame in family/friends finding out.

Let's take some time to reflect on the real problem - not that women sometimes wait years to speak up. Not that so many are coming forward. But how about why men sexually assault women and get away with it for so many years. Why do women feel they must remain silent allowing these behaviors to continue. How can we help?

Ladies (men too), have conversations with the women close to you. I guarantee there are many women struggling and afraid to share. Even if they never choose to share, it will comfort them knowing you support them.

(Side note: I wrote this post early this morning. Since then, a lengthy conversation at work was held on the topic and I've seen other posts condemning women for coming forward too late. I've watched people state that enough is enough and it's time to stop, that they are tired of hearing about it. Guess what, victims are tired of it too. Tired of reliving it and tired of wishing they had come forward in real time. But they didn't, and their moment to seek help is now.)

(And side, side note: Sexual assault can happen to anyone. I use the term woman here, but the problem is definitely not limited to females only.)

Wednesday Weigh In!

I had another great week! Not a perfect week, but a healthy week!

Alright, so the plan was:
● Eat clean - I had zero planned events this week
● Walk Monday - Thursday
● HIIT Tuesday - Thursday
● Core De Force - Monday, Friday and Saturday

What really happened was:
● I ate relatively clean. I haven't even been having my "fun" coffee on Saturday morning, just good ole black coffee. I made some pumpkin oat cookies Saturday with chocolate chips (1 batch white chocolate, 1 batch dark chocolate) Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, I over-baked them so I've managed to not devour them all. Here's a look at a bit of what was on my plate this week

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● I walked Monday - Thursday

● I did HIIT Tuesday - Thursday

● And Core de Force on Monday

Somehow I then took my long weekend as a rest weekend instead of a rest day. Friday I was off and ended up with a repairman coming by so instead of sleeping in and getting my workouts in, I went shopping. I can't say I was horribly disappointed. However I think it set the tone for the rest of the weekend.

Regardless of how much I moved or didn't move, I was down another 1.8 pounds this past week! That's 6.4 pounds from 10/28 - 11/13. And I am back to a total loss of 117 pounds. It feels really good to be getting back to where I had been!

What's on the agenda this week?

● More clean eating - with the possiblity of a road trip Saturday (#AJPROUD). That will be my first real challenge regarding food since starting back. I'll consider it prepping for Thanksgiving, which is very quickly approaching.
● I plan to walk 6 days this week (on the treadmill if weather has other plans)
● HIIT Tuesday and Thursday
● Core De Force on Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Of course, let me know if you'd ever like to talk about getting started, picking back up or just accountability for your journey. I'd love to help any way I can!

What's Your Type?

Sooo, I'm a little type A... o.k., maybe a lot  type A.

Type A personality defined:
"A temperament characterized by excessive ambition, aggression, competitiveness, drive, impatience, need to control, focus on quantity over quality and unrealistic sense of urgency." (businessdictionary.com)

If we take competitiveness (only in some things), impatience, need for control and unrealistic sense of urgency I think you'd have a fair description of me. Or at least part of me. These things usually seem negative to me, but used in the right way they can be positive too. And I'm very aware they aren't my only qualitites, but they are there and front and center a lot of days.

Due to my type a-ness I like schedules, I like plans, I like to know the next step. I struggle greatly when it comes to going with the flow. Ask anyone who has ever made plans with me. I am however aware of this and I try really hard to be flexible. Some days go better than others. 😊

I also know that to some people this really might not seem like a big deal, however I think it is. I think it's important that I remember I am not, nor will I ever be, the one in control of my life- God is. And God has far greater plans and dreams than I could ever imagine for myself.

When anything seems out of control, not even bad, just uncertain, my mind begins to race, over 100 mph, to find a solution to my non-existent problem. I begin forming solutions that actually aren't solutions at all unless I somehow know the future. I see it as planning. I figure if things work out this way, then I'll have it all mapped out. BUT, if I get thrown a curve ball and this happens, then BOOM, I'm not surprised, I've got options planned for that too.

What a waste of time!

Because you know what happens?

Something like what happened at work this week where I was given the chance at a new role. Something I think I will actually love but would have never agreed to a few months ago. Something I most certainly would not have planned myself.

Now it's God who gets to say BOOM.  He's saying relax, He's got this. I need to stop trying to figure it out and let Him lead.

He reminds me to look back at how far he has lead me so far. He has never once let me go. Never once left me without. Never once left me alone.

Weekly Weigh In

I do have numbers to report this week!

But first, how did the week go?

Well, the plan was eat the "Clean Week" nutrition plan, follow the "Clean Week" workouts and walk Monday - Friday. What actually happened was, Halloween evening dessert, one clean week workout, one treadmill workout, one HIIT workout and 4 walks.

Welcome to reality 😊

Plans are guidelines and a great place to start. My #1 focus right now is nutrition. I think workouts will happen with more regularity as I eat cleaner and begin to feel better.

So what is "Clean Week"?
"Clean Week" was put together as a program for people just getting started. Seven days of workouts and 7 days of clean eating all planned out for you. I enjoyed the nutrition plan as a great transition from "3 Day Refresh" the weekend before and then back to what is considered regular daily eating.

I stuck to my nutrition plan the entire week, including my planned treats on Halloween. I did not count points, calories, or containers all week. My mind had been feeling really restricted so I made a deal with myself - EAT - the only rule, it has to be clean, real food. I planned out my week and bought extra fruits and veggies for any hunger pains. Guess what? It worked! I enjoyed lots of good food and I plan to continue this until I hit a plateau then I'll count something.

Let's talk workout.
I was very sporadic but I moved every day except Sunday.

I walked 4 days

I did Couch to 5k one day

I did a HIIT workout

I also did one "Clean Week" workout

The "Clean Week" workout was great. It was set up HIIT style. The trainer, Megan, takes popular moves from Beachbody workouts and created a week long program. I would feel comfortable recommending the workout to anyone. She shows modifications and builds on moves to increase intensity. Each workout is 30 minutes.

All in all I call the week a SUCCESS!

In full disclosure, when I started Refresh I was up approximately 20 pounds from my lowest weight. But, I am not focusing on that because that cannot be changed. I am focusing on good choices each day and hoping to slowly get back to there... and then beyond!

After my first 10 days, I am back on my way! I was down 4.6 pounds since October 28th when I started Refresh. I'm weighing on Monday's now and 1.4 of those pounds were from October 30th to my weigh in this week on November 6th.

Current total weight loss since June 1, 2013 is 115 pounds.

Curious what's on the agenda this week?
More food - real, tasty, clean food 😋
Core de Force at least 3 days, 3 HIIT workouts and morning walks Monday - Thursday 💪

If you ever want to talk goals, getting started or next steps message me anytime!

Mind Games

No one likes to feel like someone is playing mind games with them. But what about when we play mind games with our own brain?

The whole "get healthy" journey is far more mental than most people would imagine. Dedication and obedience to anything you want takes a tremendous amount of mental strength.

Food is everywhere. Poor food choices are far more readily available and convenient than most healthier options. So I decided to do something a little drastic to work on resetting my brain.

If you know me at all you know that I DO NOT believe in quick fixes. There just isn't one. There are band aids, not quick cure alls. It takes a lot of work to get and STAY healthy. And regardless of how much emphasis we place on a number on the scale, that number does not indcate "healthy". But I digress.

Last weekend I did a reset, well I guess technically a refresh - 3 Day Refresh to be exact. I picked a weekend without a lot going on and got started. I planned to start on Saturday. On Saturday morning I laid in my bed for 30 minutes refusing to get up because I didn't want to do it. (Yes, I am super stubborn.)

All I could think was if I planned to do this and continue to make healthy choices after the three days I was going to have to give up a lot. Halloween was only days away. As I laid there I found me talking to myself (don't act like you don't) reminding myself of the fact that had I stayed on plan and not enjoyed so many treats throughout ALL of 2017 we wouldn't be having this conversation. I would possibly be at goal and enjoying anything in moderation.

But there we were at the end of October trying to get it together. SO I eventually got out of bed and got started. The plan eliminates dairy, grain and meat. The general outline is as follows:

Breakfast: Shakeology and Fruit
Mid Morning: Fiber Sweep
Lunch: Fruit, Veggie, Healthy Fat and Vanilla Fresh Shake (LOTS of protein)
Afternoon Snack: Veggie and Healthy Fat
Dinner: Vanilla Fresh Shake and a Dinner from the list of options (Lots of good options!)

You also should drink a lot of water, and there are a couple of time for unsweetened or green tea during the day.

I did make a few adjustments. I used Shakeology instead of the vanilla fresh. I just don't like vanilla flavored things... except ice cream ;) I also added a little grain and meat on day three because I planned to do a morning walk and evening workout. I planned to do the "Clean Week" nutrition plan and workouts this week following the refresh as a great transition.

The refresh went great! Much better than I thought it would as I laid in bed last Saturday morning. I feel much better. The real test is committing to a a continued clean(er) diet from now on. To not make a million excuses to cheat, because my mind is an expert at justification when it comes to little treats here and there.

I can do this. I have done this. I will do this.

I know I feel so much better mentally and physically when I"m fueling myself with proper nutrition. I think a lot clearer and have so much more energy when I fuel myself properly. With the cold, dark, winter months coming keeping me mentally and physically healthy is going to be especially important. Because those months can play horrible mind games on us.

I will be getting back to posting weekly updates to let you in on how things are going... and to keep me on track! Be sure to follow me on Instagram (mandyhazel) and/or Snapchat (manda_nic) for more of the day to day of the journey.

(Sidenote: Was planning to start Core de Force next week, however Beachbody is doing a sneak peek of their new program releasing in January that I am really looking forward to. If anyone would like to do the sneak peek with me Monday - Friday, let me know!)

Weekly Weigh In!

Heads up, if you came for numbers, it's not about numbers today. However I do have some other things to weigh in about.

I started this blog a very long time ago after reading "Kisses from Katie" (Read it if you haven't... and check out her new book after that "Daring to Hope"). This blog started as a place to share my thoughts. I don't claim to be a great writer but I do enjoy it. As time moved on I began a journey toward getting healthier and this blog became a place to check in about that journey as well.

As I began the adventure into coaching I started a fitness Facebook page and that became the place to share all things from the journey of better health. I began to blog less and less as all my thoughts were already out there. Back when I only had my personal page I struggled with potentially oversharing about health and fitness and driving you kind people crazy.

Maybe I'm just getting old, but I'm ready to simplify things a little and hopefully revive this blog, finally. I'm not sure exactly what this looks like yet, but I am saying goodbye to my fitness page. All of my journey will be documented through my personal page and this blog (and well, Instagram and Snapchat... so simple huh ;) ). The really in depth portions of my journey will happen in my Facebook accountability group. I'll share the real day to day stuff there, however Instagram and Snapchat will likely include some of that as well.

Blogging is going to give me a chance to get back to weekly updates like back in the old days, and hopefully inspire me to write more throughout the week. Milestones will of course be documented and celebrated with you all, everywhere. It may just take me a little time to re-find my comfort level and a good balance of what I want to share. I can tell you that being transparent and sharing publicly is amazing accountability for staying on track. But I had really begun to shy away from it, even on my fitness page. (Maybe because I was struggling so much I didn't feel there was much to share?)

That being said something has been weighing on me lately.

Disobedience.

Knowing that I am being disobedient by not eating healthy. Not seeking help from God when I'm tired of healthy foods and want all the ice cream, brownies, and cookies I can find. Struggling with the I'll start tomorrow, or after this event, or I don't want to be that restricted girl, or this or that, or a million other excuses.

I want to "enjoy" things just like everyone else. The problem is I need to learn to really enjoy food that fuels.

While I've been a little frustrated with the lack of physical progress in 2017. I've been amazed at the mental progress. The willingness to never give up no matter how far I've strayed or for how long. Maybe this year has gone exactly like it's suppose to. Maybe I was starting to feel restricted and stuck so God said go for it, be free, as a reminder of where I once was and then rekindling the desire of where I want to be.

I want to be back where it's simple. Where it's about just living life. Where that life is about being the best mom, friend, employee, sister, aunt, etc., I can be. And the way to do that is to be the healthiest me I can be.

So let's do this!
Again.