Obedience Illuminates Confidence

I've struggled with confidence for as long as I can remember. I am only just now, in my late 30's, beginning to explore a life lived in confidence. I realize now, confidence for me can only come through my faith in God. I am not confident. I am confident in God.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

This confidence only shines when I forget about all of my insecurities and put my trust in the Lord. Obedience illuminates confidence. And it takes a hefty pep talk to remind myself of that most days. All of my insecurities are still there, I just have to choose what I am going to do with them. I watch as others share about their insecurities and how they deal with them. I begin to realize we all have them, I just have to choose not to let them rule the day.

Making that choice can be hard. Losing weight has helped me feel more confident most days. It has eliminated certain insecurities, but while I no longer worry about things such as being the biggest person in the room, or will that fit, there are MANY new issues that come with losing large amounts of weight (we will save that for another post, another day). Choosing to put myself out there somewhat publicly, at least in my little corner of the world, opens the door for judgement and criticism as well. While I haven't heard any yet, though I'm sure it's said - just not to my face, I am working to prepare to deal with the day it comes.

"But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in Him." Jeremiah 17:7

During my trip last week I was faced with some incidents where I had to decide to be confident in God, in me, the me God made, the me I am becoming. There were a moment or two I was almost brought to tears because I almost couldn't muster the confidence to move forward.  Thesemoments were situations I never could have prepared myself for, that struck out of the blue, and were never intended to harm, I'm just a little on the sensitive side. ;) Other times I knew there would be uncomfortable moments and I chose to tackle them head on.

Nothing I do or say is to gain attention for myself, my purpose is obedience to Christ, whatever that looks like each day.  My confidence is never about seeking out applause for myself. EVER. Everything I do is to give glory to Christ. God has given me this life, this journey to show people just how incredible He is. I cannot do that sitting in my house watching life pass by. I must get out, out of the house, out of my comfort zone, out of my own head that tries to hold me back. Only there will I find the opportunities to grow in my faith, therefore gaining new confidence, through Christ.

This week I get the opportunity to speak for the very first time publicly about my journey. This is so far beyond my comfort zone I have no words to describe the feeling I get just thinking about it. If you believe in prayer I would absolutely covet your prayers for this event on Thursday evening. I know that God is in control and He has given me this journey to share and encourage others. So I'm stepping out from behind the computer and doing just that. At least I keep telling myself I can do it... I will let you know how it goes!