Wrestling with Restlessness

Today was an extra day off. I just finished my second cup of coffee and am working on my Bible study for small group tomorrow night. I realized I haven't wrote anything for awhile, so I thought I'd head over here and see what I could come up with. As I sit quietly trying to decide what direction I want to go, I keep seeing these words staring back at me:

The answer is yes. Absolutely.
I get restless wondering what comes next, and when.
I get restless and can't focus on what's right in front of me.
I find myself so focused sometimes on the unknown I am surely missing out on opportunity right before my eyes. (I feel like I've said this a lot lately)

I want to dream, I want to plan, I want to get out and make things happen, but I get scared. What if this happens, or what if that happens? Maybe I should wait until I get through this, or am finally able to do this first? Excuses make me restless. Not doing what I need to do makes me restless.

So, I sat down and put some serious thought into this whole dreaming business this morning. I thought about things I accomplished last year that I never thought possible, in hopes it would guide me to dream for this year. I thought about how different my life is this year already compared to this time last year. Wow. God did that. I trust Him.

Even trying to just think about things to dream about made me restless. I couldn't focus, my mind would wander to things I thought I had to be resolved immediately. I had to remind myself, nothing I've accomplished has been done so by running ahead of where God has me in that moment. I need to be patient, yet ready to go.  I need to make goals and then do things to get there. It doesn't have to be done by tomorrow. Breathe, enjoy the process.

Then something else hit me. I struggle, I mean really, struggle with consistent quiet time. I get so focused on what all needs to be done before I leave the house each morning. Things that I feel can't be done later, things I need to remember to take with me, trying to get a workout in, lunch packed, clothes figured out, breakfast made, Devin up... you get the idea. I get up early and I don't prioritize quiet time in the morning. I've believed for a long time that as long as I get it in it's all good. Is that the way I should think about spending time with the Creator?

I realize some of you may be thinking, duh, right about now. But in my mind, I knew I prayed throughout the day when things came up. I read my Bible often at lunch if I was working, or as soon as I took my coffee "break" in the mornings when I was home. However someday's lunch is busy, or coffee is rushed and I think I'll for sure get it in before my head hits the pillow that night. However, some nights by then I'm just too tired. But I'd rationalize, I prayed, I spent time with Him. But sometimes I just never actually got still and worshiped Him, enjoyed Him, gave the green light to be in charge of my day.

It almost sounds silly saying this out loud, but I have a feeling I'm not completely alone in this. I make sure God is first in a lot of things in my life, my paycheck, my relationships, parenting, why would I not make Him first in my day? It's not about being legalistic and making rules that this is the only time I can spend time with God. It's about God deserving the very first thought of my day. He doesn't have to have an all out study marathon each morning. He needs time in prayer and time in His Word. Really, it's that simple. It's a must. And for me, it must be first.

So, what if a lot of this restlessness comes from disobedience? What if the restlessness is from ignoring what's right in front of me? What if simply starting each day, on purpose, in prayer and in the Word, relieves some of that restlessness? What if that's what I've been running from, something as simple as putting God first each morning rather than fitting Him in?