Wednesday Weigh In (10)... or the lack thereof

There is no official weigh in today. I did hop on the scale for a reminder that every week cannot be like this week, I'm feeling pretty bleh anyway after eating out so much so really doubting I would want it to be. But I will not let a number define me today or any other day. Today belongs to someone else, someone who has helped me learn to define who I really am.

Today is the day we say goodbye to a man I loved very much, my grandpa. Last night I stood in front of the funeral home and shook hands and hugged the necks of lots of people who knew my grandpa and one story was relayed repeatedly the entire night; he was one of the good guys. It was a great comfort to myself and my family to hear person after person, family, friends, and neighbors alike talk about what a great man he was. Whether people were telling us about how he was their personal inspiration of what a man should act like, or about his contagious laugh that once it started you were lucky to get him, or anyone else in the room for that matter, to stop, we appreciated all the support.

My grandpa became ill in July 2012. I remember the call one Saturday evening that started it all. And since then the past 13 months have been quite the roller coaster ride. That first hospital stay led the doctors to removing 2 liters of fluid from my grandpa's chest, but all the tests came back with nothing. The doctors also began to express concern that he was in the early stages of Alzheimer's, but it would be months before knew just how far along he was. It was 2 months later in September before we got the devastating diagnosis of stage IV lung cancer. But my grandpa is strong and he chose to fight. Unfortunately in October chemotherapy almost took his life, he just couldn't handle it. After only 2 treatments, more hospital stays and a diagnosis of a fungal infection as well, he stopped treatment. Fortunately he was a candidate for a milder treatment, one that would not cure but lessen the symptoms. But then on a Saturday night in late January we got the call that he was lost, someone had found him, he wasn't far from home but he didn't know how to get back and they didn't know where to take him. At this time the doctors advised that his cancer and fungal treatments be stopped and hospice was called. I began staying 5-6 nights a week with him. Alzheimer's or dementia, as we never actually got a diagnosis, was much more advanced than we had thought and he needed 24/7 care. He seemed to be changing very rapidly in the dementia world, he was easily already stage 5 when we began staying with him. Honestly he was a medical mystery to most doctors and nurses he encountered. His dementia seemed different, he had spells of unconsciousness no one could explain and his sundowning often seemed extreme. Gradually we began to seek more help with the night time shifts and we took turns during the day. In early June grandpa had probably already reached late stage 6 of Alzheimer's, at best, and the decision had to be made to place him in a nursing home. This decision was hard, while I know it was absolutely the best for him, we had grown very close through our time together throughout that year and I was sad to not get that time anymore and sad about the condition he was now in. Shortly after moving to the nursing home grandpa's health began to quickly decline and on August 4, 2013, surrounded by his family, grandpa went home. God's timing is perfect and we saw this over and over throughout his illness, right up until his last breath. We will miss him so very much but we know he is now in heaven, rejoined with my grandma and praising Jesus!

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens; a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace" Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Right now is our time to mourn but we take heart in knowing that "He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away" (Revelation 21:4). And just around the corner for us is a time to dance. And dance we will because our hope is found in Jesus Christ.

Thank you to all my friends and family who have supported us throughout this time. We wouldn't have made it through this year, in one piece, without you. Your love and kindness during our time of need will not be forgotten.

And to a man I thought so highly of, and looked up to as a child and as an adult, you will be missed! Like my sister said earlier this week, I am the luckiest girl to have had a grandpa like you.