So why is it I still struggle regularly with these things? Especially patience.
This week was no exception, in fact I'd say I was impatience at it's worst. And I almost have to laugh at the ways God told me to slow down. Almost.
So what was going on this week? I interviewed for a job last week and was waiting to hear back, which also meant I couldn't focus on the start of the school year. I was waiting on a soccer coach to call and let us know what team Devin is on, games start in a week and a half. A project I had spent a lot of time on finally came in completed and it was wrong. Devin was being a teenager, and so on...
I seemed to have been put on hold, by everyone. I was frustrated and it seemed nothing that needed done or planned could move forward until I heard from someone else. Even unrelated things depended on hearing back from these people. I felt stuck, like I've felt about so many other situations over this past year. These things coupled with other ongoing uncertainties were making my head spin.
I prayed and prayed and prayed- fix these! Couple hours later- nothing. So I prayed and prayed and prayed some more- please fix these! Nothing. This went on for days. Sprinkle in some other personal family situations and I was close to meltdown status.
About Thursday I began to accept that none of this was huge. God really was in control. I prayed- take these things. I knew if I didn't get the job it was because I'm needed right where I am. I'd call the soccer coordinator and find out who to talk to and there was no real loss. Devin is only 13, this will likely not be the worst of it. The project will get done and it will get to the right person, eventually. Many of the ongoing things are still things in my mind because I want to fix them or because I want God to fix them- now, not wait on his timing.
I think God accepted my prayer to take these things as genuine and began to show me what He needed to do or why He was doing things the way He was.
First He sent me a friend who was really frustrated and wanted advice. While issues were different, the advice was the same. As words would come spewing out of my mouth, it was all I could do to not stop and tell God I heard Him, I understood. I knew I needed to be taking my own advice.
While the next day I felt much better and was trying really hard to not obsess over all the uncertainties. I couldn't let go completely. Then it happened. I took my dog out on the leash, walked her down to the bottom of the hill (which is rarely where I take her), got my foot caught in a hole and fell. I wasn't sure I could get up, I was in a lot of pain. I eventually caught the dog and got back up the hill, and I prayed the whole way. I was miserable and trying not to be sick from the pain. I hadn't taken my cell phone and the only neighbor out was weed eating so there was no one around to help. I had to trust God would carry me up that hill. And He did.
And I realized through that He would carry me through everything else too. All of my struggles today, tomorrow and every day after that. So long as I continue seeking God, seeking to do His will, seeking to praise Him, seeking others to tell about Him. He's going to carry me.
And guess what else?
Since the fall, Devin has checked the attitude at the door and been super helpful. I got my rejection letter from the job. So now I'm excited to plan my school year. The soccer coached called, there had been a mix up with our info. My project arrived and it's perfect. And everything else will have it's day of decision too. Until that day here is a picture of my reminder that God is in control, God can use everything, including falls for His good and He will carry me wherever I need to go!
(Sorry, I don't like foot pictures either, but I had to)
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