Wednesday Weigh In (13)

Let me just start by saying that this week has been/ still is, crazy busy!

I am so looking forward to a couple of days of nothing Sunday and Monday, but for now it's only Wednesday and that means it's weigh in day.

Soo, Friday I fell and sprained my ankle, as you know, making the rest of this week quite miserable. I use crutches when possible but I am quite stubborn and refuse to use them in public so I mostly just hobble around. The rest of the week has included my Dad and I cleaning out my grandpa's house and preparing for a yard sale/ estate sale this weekend. My ankle says please stop but I haven't been able to stay off of it much at all. By the end of each day I am 100% drained. This coupled with some sort of respiratory thing and all the dust flying around as we clean has me feeling pretty puny. The nursing instructor where I work is concerned, in a motherly way, but I assure her Sunday and Monday I will try to stay off my ankle as much as possible and breath in some much cleaner air. ;) Resting is just not an option this week and sleep is hard to find with all the coughing. So there you have it limping and crutches when necessary throughout the week have been my  lower body workout. Coughing has been my ab workout.

(Side note about the respiratory thing: My voice regularly disappears and or cracks due to whatever this is I have going on. My son who is 13 and going through the same thing for different reasons informed me I sounded like I was finally making it to manhood... He was proud. What a goofball.)

The temptation to throw myself a pity party has definitely been there. I've definitely thought some cheesy, starchy, comfort foods in mass quantities would make me feel ALOT better, but for the most part I have avoided them. Fast food however has been unavoidable while working for hours on the house. Also soccer finally started this week! But since we are playing on a team out of town , eating out after practice is about our only option. I'm learning how to make that work for me. I love menus with calorie counts right on them... Thank you Chick-fil-a!

So drum roll please....

I'm down 1.6 this week! Pretty good I'd say. Managed it without tracking again! And of course it probably would have been more had I not been building some serious muscle with my creative workouts this week. ;)

Carry Me

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law" Galatians 5:22-23

So why is it I still struggle regularly with these things? Especially patience.

This week was no exception, in fact I'd say I was impatience at it's worst. And I almost have to laugh at the ways God told me to slow down. Almost.

So what was going on this week? I interviewed for a job last week and was waiting to hear back, which also meant I couldn't focus on the start of the school year. I was waiting on a soccer coach to call and let us know what team Devin is on, games start in a week and a half. A project I had spent a lot of time on finally came in completed and it was wrong. Devin was being a teenager, and so on...

I seemed to have been put on hold, by everyone. I was frustrated and it seemed nothing that needed done or planned could move forward until I heard from someone else. Even unrelated things depended on hearing back from these people. I felt stuck, like I've felt about so many other situations over this past year. These things coupled with other ongoing uncertainties were making my head spin.

I prayed and prayed and prayed- fix these! Couple hours later- nothing. So I prayed and prayed and prayed some more- please fix these! Nothing. This went on for days. Sprinkle in some other personal family situations and I was close to meltdown status.

About Thursday I began to accept that none of this was huge. God really was in control. I prayed- take these things. I knew if I didn't get the job it was because I'm needed right where I am. I'd call the soccer coordinator and find out who to talk to and there was no real loss. Devin is only 13, this will likely not be the worst of it. The project will get done and it will get to the right person, eventually. Many of the ongoing things are still things in my mind because I want to fix them or because I want God to fix them- now, not wait on his timing.

I think God accepted my prayer to take these things as genuine and began to show me what He needed to do or why He was doing things the way He was.

First He sent me a friend who was really frustrated and wanted advice. While issues were different, the advice was the same. As words would come spewing out of my mouth, it was all I could do to not stop and tell God I heard Him, I understood. I knew I needed to be taking my own advice.

While the next day I felt much better and was trying really hard to not obsess over all the uncertainties. I couldn't let go completely. Then it happened. I took my dog out on the leash, walked her down to the bottom of the hill (which is rarely where I take her), got my foot caught in a hole and fell. I wasn't sure I could get up, I was in a lot of pain. I eventually caught the dog and got back up the hill, and I prayed the whole way. I was miserable and trying not to be sick from the pain. I hadn't taken my cell phone and the only neighbor out was weed eating so there was no one around to help. I had to trust God would carry me up that hill. And He did.

And I realized through that He would carry me through everything else too. All of my struggles today, tomorrow and every day after that. So long as I continue seeking God, seeking to do His will, seeking to praise Him, seeking others to tell about Him. He's going to carry me.

And guess what else?

Since the fall, Devin has checked the attitude at the door and been super helpful. I got my rejection letter from the job. So now I'm excited to plan my school year. The soccer coached called, there had been a mix up with our info. My project arrived and it's perfect.  And everything else will have it's day of decision too. Until that day here is a picture of my reminder that God is in control, God can use everything, including falls for His good and He will carry me wherever I need to go!

(Sorry, I don't like foot pictures either, but I had to)

Wednesday Weigh in (12)

Two thing really inspiring me lately on this journey:

Old Pictures...

Belize 2014!

Watch the video... And it's not to late to join us if you feel God calling you to global missions. Message me for more information!

And I suppose the 2.6 pound weight loss this week serves as a great encouragement as well!

Almost 25 down :-)

Wednesday Weigh In (11)

So half of August is over and I feel like the month is pretty much a bust in the weight loss department.

School started back today and I definitely did not meet my goal of 25 over summer break. And I have to admit 20 more by October seems near impossible, but never say never!

For the past, two weeks I have not counted a single calorie (and I kind of liked it). That in itself might not be bad but I didn't make good decisions about what I ate during that time either. The good news, I bought a new weight set and I LOVE it. I am working on figuring out a routine but I love feeling sore after a good workout. But back to counting calories, I think I'm going to stop, at least for a week or two. I don't want to count calories for my entire life and I want this lifestyle change to be something I can do my entire life, just not sure I'm ready yet. I'm going to see what happens in the next week or two just making good choices and not logging them. I will use counting as a means to locate problems when I get stuck but for everyday I'm just not going to do it.

So what was the damage from the past two weeks: Down 1.2 pounds! While ideally I would have liked to lost 4 pounds, it's definitely not a total bust. That's 22 pounds since June 1, I really can't complain. I would love to have lost more over the last two weeks, but I didn't but in the work and I ate fast food nearly everyday, sometimes twice a day so I can't expect the results. I got back on track Monday and I am feeling sooo much better. 

Remember this!

You wouldn't put anything other than gas in it either!

God is bigger than the boogie man

It never fails. I start a blog post and by the end it has completely metamorphosed into something else. This is exactly what happened today. It excites me every time this happens because I start by writing a post of things that I feel I want to write about and along the way God begins to change my words and thoughts into what he would have me say instead. Many times the posts just get left unpublished because they end up being a word just for me. Other times I go ahead and share hoping my journey will speak to someone else as well. 

Today I began a post about mean people. Mean people are everywhere I just keep running into them. Most of the encounters aren't personal but they still get under my skin. A lot of the meanness or persecution I've seen lately has been against Christianity. There have been several stories in the local media lately that have given people the opportunity to slam Christianity. I find most of these slams in the comments under the media's posts on Facebook and I'm never sure what to do. Do I stand up for what I believe in? Do I just pray for those who are doing the slamming, as well as the innocent people being slammed? Or do I just start turning a blind eye and never clicking on comments of stories that I know will produce such hate. I'm reminded of John 13:34-35 "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." But what do I do?

This also got me to thinking about personal situations recently that have included meanness, some personal, some towards people close to me. And then what about situations where the meanness is coming from people who say they are your Christian brothers or sisters? And I'm not talking about someone having a bad day. I have days where I do or say things I wish I could take back. Situations where I feel guilty until I am able to speak directly to and ask forgiveness from the people I may have hurt. I'm talking about people who seem unfazed by their actions, who just carry on like you're the one in the wrong. God is showing me I am quite possibly going about these situations all wrong.

When I, as a Christian am not ready or unwilling to move on, I let the meanness of others affect me. I often let it bring out the meanness in me or let it bring me to a place of feeling like I surrender to weakness they seem to be accusing me of. What then am I portraying to nonbelievers? 

As the preacher preached Sunday morning from Mark (3:20-30), these situations are obviously the work of Satan to distract us from God. And it works! I need to begin to recognize these attacks for exactly what they are. I need to stop running around worrying about my hurt feelings or feeling that myself or the group being hated on (for lack of a better term) are unusable. 

"How can Satan drive our Satan? If a kingdom is divided against itself that kingdom cannot stand. And if Satan opposes himself and is divided, he cannot stand, his end has come. In fact no one can enter a strong man's house without first tying him up. Then he can plunder the strong man's house." (Mark 3:23-27) 

Giving up, dwelling on hurt feelings or the actions of others puts all the power in the wrong hands.

"The one who sins is the one who will die... The righteousness of the righteous will be credited to them, and the wickedness of the wicked will be charged against them" Ezekiel 18:20 

I must learn to accept that I am not responsible for the actions of others. And as a wise woman told me recently, I cannot let the actions of others continue to determine my actions.

God has a plan and this plan is soo much bigger than anything I can begin to comprehend. That's why he doesn't tell me the plan. I must trust him that no matter what he calls me to do, no matter what mean people I encounter, I must trust him. He will not lead me down a path that does not lead straight to him. 

"Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

So what's the answer? God is bigger than everything. Quit worrying about the actions of everyone else. Quit worrying about what happens next. Love everyone. Pray. Do and speak everything in love. Trust in Jesus even when it seems like things are completely messed up. Stop letting mean people affect me.

Wednesday Weigh In (10)... or the lack thereof

There is no official weigh in today. I did hop on the scale for a reminder that every week cannot be like this week, I'm feeling pretty bleh anyway after eating out so much so really doubting I would want it to be. But I will not let a number define me today or any other day. Today belongs to someone else, someone who has helped me learn to define who I really am.

Today is the day we say goodbye to a man I loved very much, my grandpa. Last night I stood in front of the funeral home and shook hands and hugged the necks of lots of people who knew my grandpa and one story was relayed repeatedly the entire night; he was one of the good guys. It was a great comfort to myself and my family to hear person after person, family, friends, and neighbors alike talk about what a great man he was. Whether people were telling us about how he was their personal inspiration of what a man should act like, or about his contagious laugh that once it started you were lucky to get him, or anyone else in the room for that matter, to stop, we appreciated all the support.

My grandpa became ill in July 2012. I remember the call one Saturday evening that started it all. And since then the past 13 months have been quite the roller coaster ride. That first hospital stay led the doctors to removing 2 liters of fluid from my grandpa's chest, but all the tests came back with nothing. The doctors also began to express concern that he was in the early stages of Alzheimer's, but it would be months before knew just how far along he was. It was 2 months later in September before we got the devastating diagnosis of stage IV lung cancer. But my grandpa is strong and he chose to fight. Unfortunately in October chemotherapy almost took his life, he just couldn't handle it. After only 2 treatments, more hospital stays and a diagnosis of a fungal infection as well, he stopped treatment. Fortunately he was a candidate for a milder treatment, one that would not cure but lessen the symptoms. But then on a Saturday night in late January we got the call that he was lost, someone had found him, he wasn't far from home but he didn't know how to get back and they didn't know where to take him. At this time the doctors advised that his cancer and fungal treatments be stopped and hospice was called. I began staying 5-6 nights a week with him. Alzheimer's or dementia, as we never actually got a diagnosis, was much more advanced than we had thought and he needed 24/7 care. He seemed to be changing very rapidly in the dementia world, he was easily already stage 5 when we began staying with him. Honestly he was a medical mystery to most doctors and nurses he encountered. His dementia seemed different, he had spells of unconsciousness no one could explain and his sundowning often seemed extreme. Gradually we began to seek more help with the night time shifts and we took turns during the day. In early June grandpa had probably already reached late stage 6 of Alzheimer's, at best, and the decision had to be made to place him in a nursing home. This decision was hard, while I know it was absolutely the best for him, we had grown very close through our time together throughout that year and I was sad to not get that time anymore and sad about the condition he was now in. Shortly after moving to the nursing home grandpa's health began to quickly decline and on August 4, 2013, surrounded by his family, grandpa went home. God's timing is perfect and we saw this over and over throughout his illness, right up until his last breath. We will miss him so very much but we know he is now in heaven, rejoined with my grandma and praising Jesus!

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens; a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace" Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Right now is our time to mourn but we take heart in knowing that "He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away" (Revelation 21:4). And just around the corner for us is a time to dance. And dance we will because our hope is found in Jesus Christ.

Thank you to all my friends and family who have supported us throughout this time. We wouldn't have made it through this year, in one piece, without you. Your love and kindness during our time of need will not be forgotten.

And to a man I thought so highly of, and looked up to as a child and as an adult, you will be missed! Like my sister said earlier this week, I am the luckiest girl to have had a grandpa like you.