I'm a believer

This week started with some very disappointing news for me. I do not like uncertainty or feeling unsure about what comes next. And while I know this news was not some earth shattering revelation that was going to leave me homeless, jobless or something of the like, it still stung. It meant losing people in my life that I greatly respect and consider to be spiritual leaders in my life. 

Lots of questions arose in my mind about what happens next. I felt almost a sense of dread. Have I mentioned I do not like change? I felt afraid, uncertain I would be able to handle what God might ask of me next. I was not happy and by no means do I mean with the decision that brought about these feelings. I was unhappy with God for "putting me in this situation". 

It only took a couple of days for that feeling of unhappiness to disappear though. I prayed and read scripture and prayed and read some more scripture. I spoke to God  about my concerns and He reassured me every time that He would take care of us. But it wasn't until I heard these words:

"I want to live this life unsafe, unsure, but not afraid

What I want is to give all I got somehow

Giving up and letting go of control right now

'Cause I'm already out here, blind but I can see

I see the way You're moving

God how I believe that

I can push back the mountains, can stand on the waves

I can see through the darkness, I'll hold up the flame

Take me to the ocean I want to go deeper

I'm not afraid no, I'm a believer

And so I lose this life to find my way and come alive 

They can try to deny what's inside of me

But there is more, can't ignore all the things  unseen

Oh I believe I can walk on water with You, Lord

When I walk through the valley of the shadows

When I'm trapped in the middle of the battle 

I will trust in You

'Cause trouble comes, but you never let it take me

I hold fast 'cause I know that You will save me

I will trust in You, I will trust in You

Oh here I stand all alone waiting on you, Lord

Waiting on You"

(Believer by Audio Adrenaline)

I'd prayed, I'd read scripture, but these words spoke straight to my heart about my attitude problem. I am a believer. I'm not going to live this life afraid. I am going to give up control and live whatever life God has called me to live. I can look back and see where He was in control from the very beginning and preparing me for this very situation. I can do all things through Him who gives me strength. He's held me safe all this time, He will not let trouble take me now. He has allowed me to grow over the past few years to prepare me for moments such as this.  So rather than dreading the unavoidable season of change coming to my life, I'm excited. I'm ready for whatever God has in store for me. I can look back and see so many great things have come from Him when I've learned to let go and give Him control.

1John 4:18- There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

Jeremiah 29:11- For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Philippians 4:13- I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

Romans 8:28- And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.

Joshua 1:9- Have I not commended you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

John 16:33- I have told you these things, so that in me you might have peace. In this world you will have have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

So "here I stand all alone waiting on you, Lord"!

Because I'm a believer.