Wednesday Weigh In (9)

Goal #1: Lose 20 pounds in 2 months... check!

(Goal #2 is kind of a bonus goal, lose 25 pounds over summer vacation.... the clock is ticking and Goal # 3 is 20 more pounds by October 1)

Things I learned this week:

* A  calorie is a calorie and some calories are not worth it

* I don't miss dessert

* I can get through emotional days without "comfort" food

* Planning is a pain, but it is the key to staying under goal

I made it through a girl's night, which the hostess so kindly considered my diet in menu planning (thanks!), the first few days of my sister coming to town, which means food for some reason, haha, Dairy Queen ice cream cake cupcake bought just for me (yep, I ate it) and some of my favorite people moving. 

It is two months into my journey and I am still absolutely amazed at how seemingly easy it is going. As long as I put in the work, counting the calories and ignoring the less than healthy options I used to enjoy, success just keeps coming. The mental part of overcoming certain foods just isn't really there for me. There is no other explanation than God has taken that desire away from me. I continue to pray that it's not just for a moment but for a lifetime. A book I read before I started this journey was "Made to Crave" and I would highly recommend it to anyone struggling with food issues. It really helped me to put things into better perspective.

As far as working out I still don't have a routine. I have a stability ball, medicine ball and other weights and am still working on putting an actual workout together. For now I just kind of do a little here and there. Thinking about giving a squat challenge a try for the month of August to go with it as well.

This week I lost 1.8 pounds bringing my total to 20.8 pounds since June 1. I also took my measurements on July 3 and am down 6 inches this month.

Wednesday Weigh In (8)... I give up!

I give up!

On walking as my exercise goal that is. I enjoy walking but it leaves me in soooo much pain. It has for years. I've tried many types of shoes and arches, absolutely nothing helps. Between the foot pain, a ganglion cyst that has decided to begin reappearing and sciatic pain I am calling it quits.

And I'm very frustrated.

So, it's time to make a new goal, one that does not leave me disappointed in myself every single week. I don't like to complain so I try to tough it out but I'm absolutely miserable. This much pain cannot be ok. (I've had an x-ray in the past, possibly had stress fracture at some time and a bone island that is not supposedly not painful). So rant over and new goal being formulated. I see some type of weight training and stretching or yoga in my future. I actually LOVE lifting weights and would much rather do that anyway. Maybe I can actually rejoin a gym in the future :)

So here's a rundown of my week:

I only walked one time. I ate fast food 3 times AND had birthday cake with ice cream! It was all worth it, maybe not in taste but in occasions, but I'll admit I was a little concerned about weighing in.  I did manage to stay within my calorie goal all week though so not a total loss. I looked at the week as preparation for back to school and becoming a soccer mom again.

So time for the weigh in... I was pretty much shocked! Two more pounds gone! This brings my total to 19 pounds since June 1. Maybe not walking is the key  ;)

Hopefully by next week I will have formulated a new workout plan. 

Any advice or suggestions about workouts are always appreciated!

I'm a believer

This week started with some very disappointing news for me. I do not like uncertainty or feeling unsure about what comes next. And while I know this news was not some earth shattering revelation that was going to leave me homeless, jobless or something of the like, it still stung. It meant losing people in my life that I greatly respect and consider to be spiritual leaders in my life. 

Lots of questions arose in my mind about what happens next. I felt almost a sense of dread. Have I mentioned I do not like change? I felt afraid, uncertain I would be able to handle what God might ask of me next. I was not happy and by no means do I mean with the decision that brought about these feelings. I was unhappy with God for "putting me in this situation". 

It only took a couple of days for that feeling of unhappiness to disappear though. I prayed and read scripture and prayed and read some more scripture. I spoke to God  about my concerns and He reassured me every time that He would take care of us. But it wasn't until I heard these words:

"I want to live this life unsafe, unsure, but not afraid

What I want is to give all I got somehow

Giving up and letting go of control right now

'Cause I'm already out here, blind but I can see

I see the way You're moving

God how I believe that

I can push back the mountains, can stand on the waves

I can see through the darkness, I'll hold up the flame

Take me to the ocean I want to go deeper

I'm not afraid no, I'm a believer

And so I lose this life to find my way and come alive 

They can try to deny what's inside of me

But there is more, can't ignore all the things  unseen

Oh I believe I can walk on water with You, Lord

When I walk through the valley of the shadows

When I'm trapped in the middle of the battle 

I will trust in You

'Cause trouble comes, but you never let it take me

I hold fast 'cause I know that You will save me

I will trust in You, I will trust in You

Oh here I stand all alone waiting on you, Lord

Waiting on You"

(Believer by Audio Adrenaline)

I'd prayed, I'd read scripture, but these words spoke straight to my heart about my attitude problem. I am a believer. I'm not going to live this life afraid. I am going to give up control and live whatever life God has called me to live. I can look back and see where He was in control from the very beginning and preparing me for this very situation. I can do all things through Him who gives me strength. He's held me safe all this time, He will not let trouble take me now. He has allowed me to grow over the past few years to prepare me for moments such as this.  So rather than dreading the unavoidable season of change coming to my life, I'm excited. I'm ready for whatever God has in store for me. I can look back and see so many great things have come from Him when I've learned to let go and give Him control.

1John 4:18- There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

Jeremiah 29:11- For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Philippians 4:13- I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

Romans 8:28- And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.

Joshua 1:9- Have I not commended you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

John 16:33- I have told you these things, so that in me you might have peace. In this world you will have have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

So "here I stand all alone waiting on you, Lord"!

Because I'm a believer.

Wednesday Weigh In (7)

So... the good news is I'm down another 1.6 pounds this morning making my total weight loss 17 pounds! I worked on some goals this morning and it looks like this should be about an 18 month journey if I meet my goals each month. I tried to stay realistic and the more I lost my goals got much smaller. If I do make goal, ok wait, when I do make goal I will be smaller than I even was in high school. That just seems crazy (read impossible) to me!

More good news? I managed to get in a couple of walks this week. Nothing terribly adventurous but the dogs were excited to get to go. I'm working up to walking four days a week, I don't mind the walking it's the getting up early to get it in that is the problem ;)

Food wise, I managed to stay under goal all week. Even threw in a lunch date with one of my best friends, a girl's night, emotional eating that seemed to overcome me around Sunday and a all day date with Devin.

I'm entering a season of what seems like the unknown. Everything I've been praying about is here all at once.  I'm facing a time of uncertainty and loss (in many ways), and I don't handle that well. A time of letting go, figuring out my place and what God desires for my family. These are the kinds of things that just send me straight to the junk, when obviously they should send me straight to Him. I know that God will use this time to strengthen me in all areas of my walk with Him, if I let Him and I plan to, but that doesn't mean I feel I'm ready for it yet.

Wednesday Weigh In (6)

It's that time again. Time to face the dreaded scale. So far the scale has been very good to me, but I know the day will come when that stops and I have to work much harder for a loss. Every Wednesday I wonder if that Wednesday will be the one. Don't get me wrong, completely changing how you eat is hard work, but I know I have to start working out as well. I'm afraid that motivation won't come until it comes to the point of having to do it to get results.

I did manage to get one walk in this week and that was last night. It was hot! My loving sister Megan was really encouraging me (threatening me with a wake up call... haha ;-) ) so I decided I better get it done. I had Bible study that evening so I thought I'd walk there and back. I was stopped not once but twice on the way there asking if I needed a ride. Granted I was carrying a tote bag and I knew both people who stopped me, but I couldn't help but thinking I obviously don't look like someone out walking for enjoyment. It was dark when Bible study was over so I could have easily accepted offers from any of the ladies who offered to take me home. But I wanted to get the rest of my walk in. As I took off across the parking lot I heard footsteps running towards me, two of the girls who rode together decided to walk me home. They decided there were two of them and one of me so they would still be safe walking back and they would get a walk in that day as well ( I offered to drive them back but they wouldn't let me). As we were about halfway home, out of nowhere we felt something quickly approaching us from behind, then it yelled, causing all three of us to scream and jump out of the way. I think we all lost a few years off our life and our hearts stopped beating momentarily. A man from our church who was out riding his bike decided to get a good laugh in, and that he did. I bet he wished he had been recording that!

And then there was the holiday, dinner with some girlfriends and a family night cookout. But I made it, relatively unscathed. For the first 4 days of the week I went over my calorie goal, but only by a few. And in my defense my calorie goal was dropped by almost 70 this week so it was a period of adjustment. I did enjoy each meal, just watched portion control and tried to make the healthiest choices out of my options. I did allow myself to splurge on the fourth and enjoy dessert. I ate responsibly all day to save calories for it, and you know what it wasn't that great. I was afraid after going so long without it, it would bring back the desire for it, but it didn't. I truly believe that God has removed that temptation, that desire from me, because I loved chocolate and all kinds of baked goods. They just do not appeal to me right now. I pray this continues!

So the moment you have all been waiting for, what did the scale say: another 1.8 pounds down! This brings my total to just over 15 pounds from June 1st. I'm shooting for 25 pounds before school starts. That will be a stretch but it's possible. Then hopefully when school starts back and soccer starts back up I will be able to keep this discipline going. Things are so laid back right now it is easy to stay focused. When we get back into the hustle and bustle of real life the real test will begin. 

Until next week!

Wednesday Weigh In (5)

Can't believe another week has just flown by! I was really dreading the weigh in this morning, I knew I stayed pretty much under my calorie goal all week, but just didn't feel like I always made the healthiest choices I could have. Honestly I dreaded the scale so much this morning I almost didn't get on. How do you become less obsessed with what number shows up on that thing?

I knew I had eaten out twice this past week but had pretty much stuck to the plan otherwise. I also knew however I had still not worked out at all. I had tried to stay active, but I know I need to be more intentional about working out. I still, surprisingly have not craved sweets, this is truly a work of God. 

So on with the weigh in. Funny, or maybe sad, story really. I get on the scale and it shoots me a number, 8 tenths of a pound down. I know this is probably true based on how blah I feel but hop back on in hopes that the scale realizes I have suddenly lost more. It doesn't. So I go move my buttons and somewhat scold myself because I didn't lose more. All while also telling myself that I cannot obsess about the number like this. A loss is a loss and there will be weeks like this. In other words move on. So I go to log my weight in on myfitnesspal.com and it shows my weight from last week and I get a little confused. I must have forgot to put in my last weigh in. If that weight is correct I lost almost 3 pounds this week! I check it out and realize it is right, I did lose almost 3 pounds this week... And I was mad about it! So total weight loss so far is 13 pounds. I am seriously considering weighing in even less to conquer this obsession with the numbers. But truly it is what holds me accountable, I just cannot let it control how I feel about myself.

So this week will probably be a little tougher. My calorie goal is lower since I have lost over 10 pounds and there is a holiday in there. I have been asked to bring dessert to the cookout on the fourth. I think I will make two. One dessert that is something they expect and are hoping for, and one dessert that I can enjoy without having to save all my calories for.

She said yes!

The big question was thrown out there several months ago and it took me until yesterday to answer it. And in all reality I knew from the very beginning what my answer would be, but I was terrified! So, I threw out every excuse I could come up with to postpone the inevitable. I even tried to use my son as an excuse. But I am super excited to tell you tell that I have finally said yes! Yes to "Send Me"! No to the excuses, no to the fear. No to the compromises like, maybe I could stay in the country (or the state or better yet the county!). I heard God say go and I'm going... and Devin is going with me... to Belize! There will be much more to come about the trip later.

I started feeling this tug a couple months ago and you can read more about that here. God brought about two different scenarios that will (hopefully) take care of the trip financially, so check that excuse off the list. Then there is my current weight, well God definitely is helping me work through that struggle, so check that one off the list too. (The trip will also be a huge motivator!) My unadventurous self will just have to get over itself, so that's not even a real excuse.

Then there was my last excuse and I held on to it tight, my son, Devin. Devin will be graduating 8th grade this year and I was planning to use the money I had been saving to go somewhere fun. Shortly after starting to save is when the tugging began. And I began to realize what better trip together than a mission trip. I had fears about taking him though. Was it safe? What were the risks? But I had to hush those thoughts. I began to feel Devin out a little about the idea before I told him. He wanted no part. Total rejection. So I had to begin praying that God would change his heart. I needed him to be prepared for the moment I told him we were going on a mission trip overseas together. In the meantime he left on a mission trip to Booneville, KY. The entire time he was gone, I prayed the trip would soften his heart (and mine too) for missions elsewhere if he was supposed to go. He had an amazing time on his trip, but I still wasn't sure how he felt about doing missions overseas.

So yesterday I figured it was time to start the conversation. I could sign us up regardless and his heart didn't have to be there yet spiritually or mentally, but I needed to know how much work was left to be done. So, I laid it out there and his response was pretty much let's do it. There was no great excitement (but he's really not that kind of kid) but there was also no shred of disappointment or hesitation. When I asked if he was scared or nervous, he said no (better than me!). He had gone from terrified, please never ask me to go there, to let's do this without an coaxing from me. God gets all the glory for that one.

So I suppose there are no real excuses left. I've checked them all off. Well actually I believe God has cleared the way past all of them. Reassuring me that he wants me to go and his hand is on me. So, it's settled we are headed to Belize!

So please keep me, Devin, the rest of the mission team, and the people of Belize in your prayers as we prepare to follow God where he leads us!