Breaking Free!

Our women's group began Beth Moore's Bible study "Breaking Free" in January. We only meet an hour at a time so we won't be finished until the end of May. I had no idea what to expect when we started this study. I really wasn't sure what I  would need (read, could need) to break free from.

For the first several weeks as the study was progressing it seemed each week I was finding things I felt God was calling me to break free from. But I kept telling myself I couldnt break free from so many things at one time. I needed to pick one thing and work one that. So each week I would go in telling God, I'm going to break free from this through this study. I'm pretty sure that got a good laugh from God. He began to make it clear; that was not His intention at all for me. He began to reveal that I most certainly do not get to pick the area I feel needs some work.

God wasn't giving me some suggestions and saying maybe you would like to try and work on one of these. No, He was telling me ALL of these things are getting in the way. ALL of these things are separating us. And that's when I realized what God was showing me. I am my own worst enemy. I need to break free from myself. It's my guilt holding me back. It's my need to truly forgive that's holding me back. It's the anger in my heart that's holding me back. It's the rules I make for my life holding me back. It's my judgements and life comparisons holding me back. I need to break free from myself and my ideas about how my life is supposed to go.

I can honestly say I am doing this. It's hard for me. It's something I must make a choice to do every day. Day by day. Moment by moment. Sometimes succeeding,  sometimes failing miserably. The days that I fail are the days that I don't start the day by telling God that I'm getting out of the way and the day is His. Sometimes in my brain it seems much easier to live by the rules I've made for myself. This way, for the most part, I know what's coming. This, as opposed to things like the uncertainty going on in my heart right now. I know it's God and I know He's up to something. It's just not time for me to know all the details yet. And it's here I also realize doing it my way might be much easier but it is a lot less meaningful!

Lord,
I come to you today giving you this day. Stepping out of the way so you can continue to mold me and use me. Anything I choose to do without you is meaningless. Lord, the things you are laying on my heart are still very vague- which makes them seem enormous and beyond my abilities. Continue to teach me and show me your plan. Continue to grow in me as I seek more of you. Take away my desire for everything I am allowing to govern me, to have lordship over me. Help me totally surrender to you. Only then will the works you desire of me become reality. I love you Lord and I thank you for continually,  unconditionally loving me beyond what I deserve.
Amen