When things get difficult, the one thing I would most like to do, is run. But don't run, pump the brakes, slow down. That is, unless you are actually, physically running for exercise because that is very good for keeping you healthy to deal with your struggle.
But back to pumping the brakes. As I mentioned, I personally would prefer to run. Run from God, run from responsibility, run from all people, and all social situations.
The truth is you shouldn't ride the struggle bus alone. You need to surround yourself with God and some extremely awesome people. (Don't skirt your responsibilities either!) I've been so thankful that God has continually placed just the right people in my path.
So what's been happening in 2017?
January 1st started out GREAT, I thought "It's going to be the best year ever! I will reach my weight loss goal by June 1st and through Beachbody, I am going to help EVERYONE get healthy!"
I continued to believe this a good portion of January, maybe even part of February. I believed 2017 would be a year to remember and so far it absolutely has, just not how I envisioned it.
Late January I learned of the passing of an old friend. His death made me realize how much relationships matter. We need people, people need us. I felt a an urgency to strengthen friendships and connect with old friends. Through all of this however also came some, lets say, unhealthy visits to the past. Past thinking, past habits, etc... This really began to tear me down and I closed myself off in defense. I quit reaching out to people who would have been there for support.
Mid March I returned to Belize for a mission trip. I was feeling really low at this time. I left for the trip feeling defeated yet hopeful that time away would force me to quiet myself and begin to face the obstacles I had put in my way.
That's exactly what happened. God did begin a BIG move while I was there, but, I'm super stubborn and it's been quite the process. From the day I returned from Belize things were different. The battles were still there, however I faced the daily battles in a different way. Every day wasn't a win, but every day was fought as opposed to waking up in defeat. I was begging for help yet refusing to change all at the same time it seemed.
I can tell you when things changed, it was when I started paying attention to the people God was strategically placing in my life daily in just the right places at just the right times, with just the right words to comfort, encourage, reassure and push me.
I couldn't avoid the past, I had to work through it to get to the present. I had to let go of the things that I, at least for a moment, deemed as "good".
Then there was work...
I was given the task of writing a grant at work. A grant that would determine if I would have employment come July 1. I spent nearly the entire month of April working on this grant (with the help of co-workers), on top of my regular work responsibilities. About two weeks before the grant was due we realized a new stipulation was added and we no longer met the qualification. Our organization sought to subcontract for another organization and the parts of the grant proposal I had been working on were no longer needed. I wasn't sure if this left me relieved or frustrated. Anyone who is still my friend after this process, THANK YOU, I was a grump!
May and June became months of uncertainty. As I've mentioned before, I struggle with anxiety. Uncertainty and anxiety are not a good mix. I've tried so hard to remain positive as we waited on word about the grant. But some days anxiety and emotions won. It's amazing to look back now and see how God was laying things out months, maybe even as far back as years for what was about to happen. Again, if you're still my friend after June, THANK YOU!
The day finally came last week and we received word that the agency was awarded the grant. However, they were not awarded the full amount and my position has been eliminated. I find comfort knowing God provided for me in the past and He is providing for me now. It doesn't make it easy or my favorite choice, but makes it easier to swallow.
My last day in prevention is Friday, June 30. Then I have two weeks off of work during which I will spend another week in Belize. When I return to work in mid July I will start a brand new position doing something completely foreign to me. I'm excited to learn new things that can open new doors, but I'm going to miss the job I loved as well.
It was the encouragement and sound advice from friends God often used to comfort and remind me that good things await! And sometimes he used complete strangers to speak to me. I was in a meeting the day before I had to make some decisions about my job. The presenter said "If you aren't growing you are dying". That stuck with me and helped push me to get outside of my box.
So yes, I think it's really important when you are on the struggle bus to pump the breaks, don't run! Let people in.
Now, I know I said don't run, but I feel it's important for you to know you can take a break. During the past few months I decided to give up some things that took up too much time and emotion. I was completely spent, I had nothing to give anyone else. I was often relying on others to carry me. At first, I felt horribly guilty walking away from some things that used to bring me such joy, Beachbody coaching was definitely one of those things. However, I knew that I couldn't be me again without some time to recharge. And until I could be me again, I was completely worthless to everyone else.
So yes, don't run, but rest. Rest and come back with a fire burning bigger than it's ever burned before. I may not be there all the way yet, but I am well on my way! I feel so much more like me than I have in a what feels like a very long time.
Let people help refuel your fire. Surround yourself with people who will remind and encourage you to be the best version of you that you can be.
And P.S. if you need a person (not sure how awesome) I'm always around!
It's important to remember that all good things do come to an end... except Christ, his love never ends. Put your hope in Christ and he will make a way.
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