Only the Good Stuff!

I've talked a lot about my struggles because I feel that's what people connect with and relate to most. I think it's encouraging to know when someone struggles with the same things you do. I find it a lot more difficult to be transparent about good things happening. I suppose I fear sounding like I'm bragging, but I never want to sound all gloom and doom either.

While 2017 has had it's lows, I hope you know there have been some pretty awesome things happening as well. Going through a personal valley - even if you walked yourself right down into that valley - requires reflection. From reflection can come an enormous amount of growth and freedom. Here is where I find myself today.

One of my past co-workers favorite words was fun. She was awesome about getting what needed to be done out of the way so there was still room in her life for fun. Me, I scheduled every minute of every single day and still felt behind most days.

Friends, this is the straightest path to burnout there can possibly be. And this is definitely where I found myself. I knew I had to get out, but I felt in order to get to a place where I could allow for fun, I had to get all caught up first. This is so not the case! Have some fun. Fun refreshes you! Figure out what has to get done, what little extra can you do to work towards catching up (is that even a real thing?) and then the rest of the time is yours.

This year I've gotten to do some great things, I hesitated listing any for fear I'd leave something important out, but I'm going to list a few anyway.

• I've read some great books (and started a few others that aren't finished yet)
• "Love Lives Here" by Maria Goff
• "Nothing to Prove" by Jennie Allen
• "The Broken Way" by Ann VosKamp 
• "Grace is Greater" by Kyle Idleman
• "Uninvited" by Lysa TerKeurst

• I've returned to Belize and only days away from seeing my friends there again!
• I've logged 300 miles of walking and jogging. This is something that somewhere along the way I decided took too much time. I was wrong. Something that saves your sanity and lets you catch up with friends is never too much time.
• I go out, actually get dressed, not in workout clothes, and go have a good time. Maybe catching a movie, eating dinner, grabbing coffee, listening to a band or just hanging out. I didn't do that much anymore.
• I have ideas for writing again, some way better than others, but oh, how I've missed that.
• I'm starting a new boot camp soon, I've missed that too! (And if you have registered, I promise I know you have and will get to you this weekend. Yes, I know I said I would do it sooner :) )
• I've enjoyed simple things like ice cream and not felt any guilt.
• I've traveled to Washington D.C. and even explored a little... very little, but I did good for me.
• I've been reminded of where my strength comes from and got to watch God work, in me and for me. It really doesn't get much better than that.

Good stuff is happening.

I'm feeling more like the real me every day.

And, I'm reminded that God is good.

All Good Things Must End

It is no secret that I have been riding the struggle bus ALL year.

When things get difficult, the one thing I would most like to do, is run. But don't run, pump the brakes, slow down. That is, unless you are actually, physically running for exercise because that is very good for keeping you healthy to deal with your struggle.

But back to pumping the brakes. As I mentioned, I personally would prefer to run. Run from God, run from responsibility, run from all people, and all social situations.

The truth is  you shouldn't ride the struggle bus alone. You need to surround yourself with God and some extremely awesome people. (Don't skirt your responsibilities either!) I've been so thankful that God has continually placed just the right people in my path.

So what's been happening in 2017?

January 1st started out GREAT, I thought "It's going to be the best year ever! I will reach my weight loss goal by June 1st and through Beachbody, I am going to help EVERYONE get healthy!"

I continued to believe this a good portion of January, maybe even part of February. I believed 2017 would be a year to remember and so far it absolutely has, just not how I envisioned it.

Late January I learned of the passing of an old friend. His death made me realize how much relationships matter. We need people, people need us. I felt a an urgency to strengthen friendships and connect with old friends. Through all of this however also came some, lets say, unhealthy visits to the past. Past thinking, past habits, etc... This really began to tear me down and I closed myself off in defense. I quit reaching out to people who would have been there for support.

Mid March I returned to Belize for a mission trip. I was feeling really low at this time. I left for the trip feeling defeated yet hopeful that time away would force me to quiet myself and begin to face the obstacles I had put in my way.

That's exactly what happened. God did begin a BIG move while I was there, but, I'm super stubborn and it's been quite the process. From the day I returned from Belize things were different. The battles were still there, however I faced the daily battles in a different way. Every day wasn't a win, but every day was fought as opposed to waking up in defeat. I was begging for help yet refusing to change all at the same time it seemed.

I can tell you when things changed, it was when I started paying attention to the people God was strategically placing in my life daily in just the right places at just the right times, with just the right words to comfort, encourage, reassure and push me.

I couldn't avoid the past, I had to work through it to get to the present. I had to let go of the things that I, at least for a moment, deemed as "good".

Then there was work...

I was given the task of writing a grant at work. A grant that would determine if I would have employment come July 1. I spent nearly the entire month of April working on this grant (with the help of co-workers), on top of my regular work responsibilities. About two weeks before the grant was due we realized a new stipulation was added and we no longer met the qualification. Our organization sought to subcontract for another organization and the parts of the grant proposal I had been working on were no longer needed. I wasn't sure if this left me relieved or frustrated. Anyone who is still my friend after this process, THANK YOU, I was a grump!

May and June became months of uncertainty. As I've mentioned before, I struggle with anxiety. Uncertainty and anxiety are not a good mix. I've tried so hard to remain positive as we waited on word about the grant. But some days anxiety and emotions won. It's amazing to look back now and see how God was laying things out months, maybe even as far back as years for what was about to happen. Again, if you're still my friend after June, THANK YOU!

The day finally came last week and we received word that the agency was awarded the grant. However, they were not awarded the full amount and my position has been eliminated. I find comfort knowing God provided for me in the past and He is providing for me now. It doesn't make it easy or my favorite choice, but makes it easier to swallow.

My last day in prevention is Friday, June 30. Then I have two weeks off of work during which I will spend another week in Belize. When I return to work in mid July I will start a brand new position doing something completely foreign to me. I'm excited to learn new things that can open new doors, but I'm going to miss the job I loved as well.

It was the encouragement and sound advice from friends God often used to comfort and remind me that good things await! And sometimes he used complete strangers to speak to me. I was in a meeting the day before I had to make some decisions about my job. The presenter said "If you aren't growing you are dying". That stuck with me and helped push me to get outside of my box.

So yes, I think it's really important when  you are on the struggle bus to pump the breaks, don't run! Let people in.

Now, I know I said don't run, but I feel it's important for you to know you can take a break. During the past few months I decided to give up some things that took up too much time and emotion. I was completely spent, I had nothing to give anyone else. I was often relying on others to carry me. At first, I felt horribly guilty walking away from some things that used to bring me such joy, Beachbody coaching was definitely one of those things. However, I knew that I couldn't be me again without some time to recharge. And until I could be me again, I was completely worthless to everyone else.

So yes, don't run, but rest. Rest and come back with a fire burning bigger than it's ever burned before. I may not be there all the way yet, but I am well on my way! I feel so much more like me than I have in a what feels like a very long time.

Let people help refuel your fire. Surround yourself with people who will remind and encourage you to be the best version of you that you can be.

And P.S. if you need a person (not sure how awesome) I'm always around!

It's important to remember that all good things do come to an end... except Christ, his love never ends. Put your hope in Christ and he will make a way.

What Matters Most

My heart breaks for anyone stuck in a cycle of defeat. Stuck in a place where they feel like nothing will ever change so why try. I've been there, I have days I go back there. I get it. But I have good news for you, as hard as it may be to believe, it is an absolute lie.

I've believed this lie when it comes to many things in my life, maybe you share some of these:

• I've been too heavy for too long, I'll never change.
• I've never been able to jog (fill in the blank - do jumping jacks, pushups, etc) why bother trying.
• I'm not good at public speaking so I'll just stay quiet.
• I've been single 38 years, might as well get used to it ;) 
• I've messed up too big, too many times, God can never use me.

Any of those sound familiar to you?

Maybe you have other issues, there are so many to choose from.

Want to know some truth when it comes to those lies the devil tries to feed us?

They are just that, outright lies. Christ cannot be defeated, therefore if you are in Christ you should not feel defeated. Want to feel victorious? Put Christ in the center of any and all things. You are human, you are going to struggle. Christ can help you overcome.

Let's talk about how this works when it comes to getting healthy. I am absolutely certain God wants you healthy. He wants you to care for your body. He designed our bodies for movement, he designed them to need water, vitamins, nutrients, fats, etc. to run the most efficiently. 

I am also fairly certain if you have chosen to mistreat your body then he is waiting to help you overcome and reverse the damage being done. Even though God could take away our every craving and every lazy thought, that's usually not how the change happens. It's a process, an ever evolving process with Christ in the center.

There are hundreds of ways and program and tools you can use to help you make these changes. It really does not matter which of these methods you choose. Just choose to be obedient and GET HEALTHY! In doing so you are going to have to learn to eat and enjoy real food. Nutrition and activity are the key to better health.

You have likely trained your mind to enjoy processed foods. In the evening, you may prefer to relax with your favorite TV show instead of a 30 minute stroll. You won't suddenly love these things. There is no switch to flip to make them your favorite. But put Christ in the center, ask him to help you become disciplined in these areas and over time I guarantee these will be the things you slowly begin to crave. (And trust me when I say I am preaching to the choir here)

Putting Christ in the center of any lie rattling around in your head IS what really matters. It is where you gain confidence and overcome the hard things.

Looking for some more information to  help you with this?

I highly recommend reading "The Daniel Plan by Rick Warren and "Made to Crave" by Lysa TerKeurst