I watched the weather all week.I wanted to get up and "jog" for my birthday. I use the term jog very loosely as I am more of a speed walker who tries to look like they are jogging. I was certain it was not going to be possible as it looked like it was going to be a wet nasty day. But do you know what? God is so good. He woke me up this morning on my 38th birthday and gave me warm sixty degree weather to enjoy a walk/jog. He gave me awesome worship music to sing along to and praise him for not just another day, but another year. (And FYI - Lauren Daigle provided the tunes this morning) In our quiet morning together he reminded me of just how far he has brought me and for that I am thankful beyond what words can express!
I debated all day about how far back to take you and share about just how far he has brought me. Hopefully if you know me, you at least somewhat understand just how far that is. However, if you don't know me, and would like to know, I'd be happy to share my story with you sometime of how God has completely spun my life around. The last 9 years or so in particular, but he was working way before that.
In the end, I decided to stick with what I know He's done over the past 3 1/2 years during my journey to becoming healthy. I realize though, none of it could have been accomplished without the events leading up to it. And I am in complete awe of the new me I see him transforming, molding and making me into... at 38.
June 1, 2013 I weighed in at nearly 300 pounds. In my heart I wanted so much to serve God with all of my heart, all of my soul and all of my mind. I wanted to serve him every where, every way I could. But the truth is, I was tired. I was unhealthy. I had zero confidence. I was fearful of absolutely everything. I mean everything - new people, new places, new situations. So getting out there and being the hands and feet proved to be rather difficult.
Today, God showed me just how much he is changing me. I mean I woke up, before the sun and wanted to jog! Who does that? And I didn't used to do that. And I didn't just wake up today and decide to do it... well I kind of did, but only because for the past 3 1/2 years I've been working on changing my mindset. I've been focusing on caring for my body. I'm trying to repair the years of abuse I did to my body inside and out.
You know what? Some days I still forget all that God has done for me. Some days I struggle in trusting God to take me to new places. I find that birthdays are a special day to reflect on all of these things. A day to walk back through the past (not hanging around for long!) and giving thanks for all of the burdens you no longer have to carry around. A day to take extra time to thank God for all of the blessings he has poured into your life. Thank Him for the countless second chances he has given you... or maybe that is just me. A day to take time to really see the transformation that has been taking place right in front of your eyes.
Birthday are a fun day to dream about new adventures and wonder about all the possible places God might take you during this new year of your life. The life He created and already has planned. When I think about the mystery and wonder of what is unknown to me, but known to Him, I can't help but feel such anticipation. And for me, with my birthday so close to Christmas, it comes at a time when anticipation is already running high as we prepare to celebrate the first coming of Christ and ponder on the second coming as well.
The point, and I hope you've stuck with me this far, is that none of these changes would be possible without allowing God to change my thoughts and my heart regarding a lot of issues. I've allowed him to change how I understand fitness and nutrition, yes. But that is only a fraction of what's happening here. I've had to allow Him to soften my heart and change the way I think about myself, about my confidence, my worth, my usefulness, my purpose and so much more.
I pray that in sharing my journey I never come across as... "Look at me... I'm great!" ... because I'm not. I'm human, I mess up and I struggle. But God, He is great, He is my superpower. He is the key to real transformation - in ANYTHING. And I absolutely, positively believe that lasting physical transformation is not possible without the mind and heart transformation that comes from Christ.
Christ is making me new. Every. Day.
Christ is making a way when there seems to be no way.
I just need to get out of the way.
Christ is enough.
Christ says you (and I) are enough.
And in case you are still wondering, but how did you spend your birthday?
Well, despite several people insisting I eat cake, there was no birthday cake to be had. But I did get plenty of my favorite things, and I got to spend time with lots of my favorite people! And I bet there will be cake in the coming week that I will enjoy.
Lots of coffee happened! And we know this makes me happy (And that's not just coffee... that's "fun" coffee) This morning I hit up Kiki's and then my dad took me to HeBrewz this afternoon. (Both are excellent!)
As I mentioned earlier, the Lord woke me, with no alarm and the word "Go" kept echoing in my head. I went to bed positive that no outdoor activity would be happening today. I was wrong. So I went. I would have never, ever, dreamed 4 years ago that I would be excited to spend my birthday morning jogging/walking. But that is just one of the many was God is transforming me. It isn't easy. And it hasn't happened overnight.
Then I also got a HIIT workout in too!
I've spent the rest of the day relaxing, watching Christmas movies, working on some projects and writing this blog... then re-writing when it somehow deleted itself.
Again, thank you to every one of you who have taken time to read this and to wish me a happy birthday today. I means so much. And it was definitely that, a very happy birthday!
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