Turn Northward

When I woke up this morning it dawned on me it was Friday. It had been 9 days since I had written anything. No journal. No blog. No nothing. And my mind was blank. I enjoyed a long quiet time as the house was actually quiet this morning. I read my Bible, I read a devotion, I wrote in my journal and then I began to read "Made to Crave". But these verses captured me before I got very far and I never finished the chapter:

"Then we turned and journeyed into the wilderness in the direction of the Red Sea, as the Lord told me. And for many days we traveled around Mount Seir. Then the Lord said to me, You have been traveling around this mountain country long enough. Turn northward." Deuteronomy 2:1-3

This week something awesome happened. Well it's awesome to me, if you have never struggled with food or your weight, it will probably seem silly. Right now in this moment, the chain that was food, that has imprisoned me for all of my adult life (and probably longer), seems to be broken. Previously it didn't matter if I was eating healthy or unhealthy, food controlled me. I've spent a lot of time praying over the last 9 days to not let my stomach be my god. And suddenly, it's not.

Unhealthy eating habits controlled me by making me sluggish, cranky, adding extra pounds and robbing me off my self esteem and worth. It also left me with feelings of guilt, or maybe it was conviction, of knowing I was wrong in the way I was treating my body. But healthy eating had me trapped just the same. Labeling foods legal and illegal. Measuring success by the number on the scale, daily. Counting every calorie, feeling guilty if I went over. Not enjoying time with friends and family "because there was no acceptable food". Stopping and starting, on plan, off plan based on how I felt or what stress I had or holiday was coming, or any other excuse I could think of.

"Then we turned and journeyed into the wilderness in the direction of the Red sea, as the Lord told me. And for many days we traveled around Mount Seir. then the Lord said to me, You have been traveling around this mountain country long enough. turn northward." Deuteronomy 2:1-3

I was going round and round and round the mountain. For years. Enough is enough. Turn northward. Listen to God. Stop letting my stomach be my god. 

I still count every calorie.

I still weigh in every day.

I still restrict daily consumption of certain foods.

But my mind sees it differently now. (And I pray it stays this way!) I desire to lose weight and be healthier. These are tools necessary to reach that goal. Nothing more, nothing less. Calories help me make the most nutritious choices. Weighing in daily strangely helps me become less focused on the number. It helps me to see the number is always changing. It's not set in stone, the journey is ongoing.  These are all tools, nothing more, nothing less. They are guidelines not absolutes. Any of them alone cannot tell an entire story. But together can help me make better choices daily. Recognizing that certain foods have no health benefits helps me accept they just aren't needed- on a regular basis. Recognizing celebrations and eating out should just be enjoyed. One meal, one dessert, on occasion, will not cause me to gain weight.

I am excited to stop circling the mountain of "dieting". To stop setting up so many rules to follow and then break. I'm ready to continue northward, on a new path with new adventures and new destinations!

My Monday morning walk!