What am I afraid of?

I spent the afternoon pulling weeds. Not because I love to garden, but because I leave for my first international mission trip in just 9 days. I'm not a good traveler. The thought of travelling out of the country for 8 days is a bit overwhelming to me. To say I will be out of my "comfort zone" is a complete understatement. The thought of actually preparing to leave leads me to do such things as weed the garden. I can handle all of the parts of preparing for the trip except for the physical act of packing. Packing makes it real. I can pray all day about the trip, the team, the people we'll meet along the way, and I do once I start thinking about packing. I can pour over scripture. I can get the vaccinations and passports. I can make sure I have the necessary supplies, clothes and shoes. What I can't do is think about actually putting any of it in the bag.

I'm not even really sure what I'm afraid of. Travel makes me anxious from the get go so I'm sure that's part of it. But this is different. I'm not sure if I'm more afraid of loving Belize so much I'll be miserable when I come home, or missing home so much I miss God and allow myself to be miserable the entire time I'm there.

While I was weeding the roses, I thought about all the weeding God has done to get me to this week before I leave for Belize. I know that God has been preparing me the past several years just for this trip. I also know this trip is to directly prepare me for some other amazing work He has planned for my life. I know without a shadow of a doubt that God called us to go on this trip, please read about that in this blog post from a year ago (click here). But the weeding process started long before that.

I think most recently pruning took place when God nudged BOTH Bible studies I am a part of to study 7, by Jen Hatmaker. I believe this was no accident. 7 speaks strongly and often about serving. Serving the poor, the orphaned and the widowed. Serving my neighbors here and there. 7 spoke to me deeply about how I choose to use all that God gives me. Not just spiritual gifts, but food, clothes, money, time and everything else filling up the corners of my house. This was part of preparing me to go without all the things that bring me comfort for a week. Part of being more aware of the reality that I am among the wealthiest when it comes to things. But others are much wealthier than I when it comes to the Lord. God was weeding me last June when He made it abundantly clear that I must start taking care of my body. Without it I am completely unable to spread the Gospel. God was weeding me through CIA's at JFBC, women's ministry at JFBC, a pastor who encouraged not just reading the Bible but studying the Bible. God was weeding me through friends, and as I parented, looked for a job, looked for a church, taught high schoolers, and cared for my grandpa during his illness. The weeding and pruning is continual. There are always new areas needing the gentle but firm hands of the Lord removing the unnecessary things in my life, fertilizing it with scripture and people.

Then there is the beautiful fruit that comes from allowing God to work the soil and pull the weeds. Please pray for myself and our entire team as we all prepare to leave for Belize next Saturday. Please pray for the people we meet along the way that Christ would be so evident in our lives, that we are freely able to serve and minister to them. Pray that we don't miss what Jesus has to teach us on this trip. Pray that we go, hearts prepared, weeds pulled, ready to bloom!