Wednesday Weigh In (15)

I promise to start writing about something other than my weight very soon :) It just seems so many things worthy of writing about in my life right now are too personal to broadcast to the world. 

Maybe once I'm through this season, but not while I'm in it. 

I guess I could write about Belize, and I'm sure I will write lots about it in the months to come. I'm positive God has big things ahead during the months leading up to this trip. I could write about my excitement as I start this journey of preparing my heart to minister to the people of Belize. 

Excitement is contagious and our trip leader/ organizer is very excited about Belize and the people there. This will be her third trip and I'm pretty sure she wishes we were leaving tomorrow. To hear her and others talk about the country and people there makes me feel like I'm already a part, I can't wait for June to get here to finally be a part of the ministry there.

But for today I'll talk about this weight loss journey one more time. 

I feel freedom. It's so strange. If I haven't mentioned it, I'm a rules person. Rules and organization make me very happy. You might not know this by the laundry strung about my room right now but it's true. I'm trying to let go of planning every week, day, minute. Trying to do better at just listening to God, listening for God, listening to my body when it comes to food. 

I still dread the official weigh in on Wednesday's but I think I'm past letting it control how I feel about me, at least for now and possibly only as long as the scale is moving. I haven't logged a food in over a month. I haven't worked out due to injury (as if I was actually doing it regularly beforehand) and I'm still losing. This is huge for me!

I read this (click here) blog yesterday and it wonderfully describes my struggle. I can't let go... of anything. But this weight loss journey is helping me let go in so many other areas of my life. I feel if I can let go in this area and rely more on God, then I can do this in every area. I can break the rules if they don't have real purpose. I can seek God not just weekly, not just daily, but by the minute for what He desires of me, just like I try to do with this weight loss journey. I get excited when I even begin to imagine what it might be like to live totally surrendered to Him. And even more excited when I realize I probably can't fathom what that is like and how much better it might be than I could even dream.

So what did the scale say this week? I'm down another pound! Bringing my total to just over 28 so far. It's much slower going right now, but it's still going. And I could do this my entire life. I'm not counting things, or eating things I hate. I'm not working out 3 hours a day. I'm just trying to learn to listen to my body and fuel it when it needs fuel. When I do get in a workout routine, it's going to need more fuel and I'll have to learn to listen to that. 

I tried to talk myself into counting calories for two weeks just to speed things up and have a little reality check about things I could/should be omitting in my diet. But I decided not to, at least not yet. I know where I mess up for the most part and I don't want to go backwards. Now, there may come a time I REALLY need that reality check, but I don't think that time is now.

Rules, organization, and guidelines can be very helpful, don't get me wrong. 

But trying to live by everyone else's expectations and not listening for God's guidance and live by His expectations, is where I go all wrong. 

I'm learning to let go everyday and trust Him more. 

I'm letting go of control, even if it is little by little. 

Freedom is right around the corner!

"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom."

2 Corinthians 3:17