Is it possible? My heart breaks and rejoices all at the same
time all for the same thing. I recently finished the book “Kisses from Katie”.
A story about a young woman named Katie Davis who at only 19 moves to Uganda
and completely surrenders her life to Christ. While in her story she is very adamant
about adoption, as she adopts 14 children (!) I don’t find my heart going
there. What I do find is my heart being torn apart and opened up to her
unending love for everyone around her and her willingness to right a blank
check to God (as my Pastor spoke on Sunday evening) and doing whatever He calls
her to do, no excuses. Now let me preface by saying that I have often
considered adoption if I were to ever be fortunate to become married, so this
isn’t out of the question for me, it just is not the message God had for me
right here at this very moment.
God and I are becoming very close. We have still much room
to grow our relationship, however compared to where I was say 4 years ago, or 2
years ago or even 6 months ago, we are definitely moving in the right
direction. However satan had me under the trap that I was useless as a single
woman/mother. And even with all the woman doing great things these days, it’s
still somewhat true in our society, especially when it comes to doing things in
the world of Christianity. I’ve bought into the trap that only a man will lead
our house. I’ve bought into the trap that if a man comes a long we together can
do great things for Christ, but until then I am out of luck. I’ve dreamt of
missionary trips, and all sorts of things that can be done as a couple. I’ve
bought the trap that I can’t uproot Devin from his life as he knows it, that
everything will just have to wait until he is grown. Katie proves me so wrong!
And boy am I glad!
Katie at 19 moved to Uganda, alone, not fully supported (yet
not unsupported either) or understood by her friends and family. She spends
every day caring for someone who needs cared for, whatever their need may be.
She began adopting children who had no families. She speaks in her book about
how if you don’t end the day completely exhausted you haven’t used everything
God gave you for that day. How rest was never promised here on Earth, we are
promised rest from doing His work when we get to Heaven!
And so here I sit, writing a blog entry, watching the sun go
down out my window, knowing that yet another day has passed by that I will go
to bed not completely exhausted, having not used up everything God gave me to
use today. Can I be honest, as thankful as I am to live in America, I am just
as “unthankful” sometimes. While I am aware that there are starving, hurting
people here, it does not even begin to compare to those in third world
countries. The “poor” here in America are so very wealthy compared to those
living in the conditions of many of these countries. And while I am thankful
for my health, food, a roof over my head, a car, a job, my family and the list
goes on… I sometimes wish I lived somewhere that all these things were not
considered necessity. Do you understand? Somewhere that I could truly
appreciate life, simply life, and food to keep me alive, air to breathe, the
shirt I’m wearing and the work I have, somewhere that actually required my full
dependence on God.
So my pledge; to start looking for ways to be exhausted at
the end of the day. Look for people and places God has been asking me to serve
and I have told Him no. Maybe I didn’t say no verbally, but I ignored the
request thinking I want to do something bigger, or even that I would be laughed
at or rejected. I don’t feel lead to sell everything I have and leave the
country and adopt 14 children. I feel lead to do something right here in where
I live. Would I love to be a part of missions elsewhere? Absolutely. And maybe
God will call me somewhere, short term or long term, someday, but until then
there is an entire field in my back yard. I pledge to begin to show love in
EVERYTHING I do. Will I succeed every time? Nope. Does that mean I stop trying?
Nope. Showing love to people could not be any easier, yet we avoid it like the
plague, especially when it involves people we aren’t sure how to love. Many
times these are the people who don’t seem to know love themselves. And just
like Katie talks about in the book, how can these people ever learn what real
love is if we don’t show them? We can tell them all day long, but if they never
experience it, they can never truly understand. I’m ready to start saying “yes”
to God’s call to serve, to love.
My heart breaks that it has taken me 33 years to figure this
out. My heart breaks at all the missed opportunities. However, my heart
rejoices that at 33 I’m starting to desire to figure this out! My heart
rejoices that even though I have messed up so badly, in more ways than I can
count, that God still chooses to be my Savior, He still chooses to use me! I am
truly undeserving.
Dear Lord Jesus,
Thank You so much for this day. Thank You for the lesson You
have taught me through Katie Davis, Lord. Please continue to be with Katie and
her entire ministry in Uganda, what a blessing she is to those people. You must
just truly beam when you think of her as Your daughter! Lord Jesus please use
me. I’m offering to You, right now this blank check, do with my life whatever
You have planned. I have to trust that through hard times, sad times, good
times, just all times that You can see the big picture and trust that there is
a purpose in everything you allow in my life. Lord I want to love. You have
shown me love, love like no one else has ever shown me and I want nothing more
than to show that same love to others. Please help me start this right here in
this house, as it is often the most difficult place to show love, even though
it should be the easiest. Let me show love to all of the people I come into
contact with. Show me people Lord who may be in my life right now that I don’t
realize need love. Help me to know how each person needs to be loved. Please
forgive me for all of the times I have not loved Lord. In Jesus name I pray.
Amen.
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