Meet Deborah...

Well I totally missed yesterday, not that anyone actually reads this anyway, but if you do, just know that I was out past my bedtime. This is exciting to me, I love spending time with friends and making new friends. And I love it even more so when we are getting to listen to Angela Thomas! My women's group did our first Bible Study in September and we did "Brave" by Angela Thomas.

So what has the weekend brought for me? Well Friday started spring break for my son so it is time to stock the house full of food because he will be here to eat it all for ten days straight, haha... That's what 12 year old boys do in case you didn't know, they eat you out of house and home, and I hear it only gets worse. Went to work Friday afternoon, then headed out to listen to Angela Thomas, who spoke on being worn out and how to cope... Wait a minute aren't I trying to get worn out, she's telling me how to cope with being worn out. Well she was talking about a completely different worn out. The worn out we get from running everywhere doing everything, well, I guess it could be the same worn out if this is what God has called you to do. But then she also touched on a lot of the same things I'm working through right now and that is how to get worn out the right way! And the peace and rest God will provide for you soul when you are serving Him. About turning to Him to get the strength to do everything on your list, don't run from serving because you are afraid of being worn out!

Today, got up early went to some soccer games, came home, worked out in the gardens a little (but it was down right hot out for March!) and spent most of the rest of the evening working on stuff for my Ready Group tomorrow. There is so much to share tomorrow, I wanted to make sure I am able to get it all in!

As the Angela Thomas event ended Friday night, Angela did a presentation for World Vision. I have to admit, my first thought was, of course, these things always try to get you to sponsor something. (Shame on me I know, and here I'm suppose to be figuring out how to love more?) Well, thankfully a few of the ladies from my ready group that went with me decided that as a class we should sponsor a child. So we did! We went to the table and began looking over all those faces, how would we ever decide? We had in our hands the cutest little boy, with the chubbiest cheeks I have ever seen, I believe he was two years old. We were pretty ready to say we'd take him, until we heard the lady working the table talking to someone else. She was telling the other lady that children are no longer allowed to be sponsored once they turn 14, so children from (I think) 12-14 are considered last hope children. We decided that's what we were supposed to do. The little boy with the chubby cheeks will most definitely get picked up by someone, he was SOOO cute. We set out on a search through the pictures on the table of the oldest child. We found one about to turn thirteen in a couple of months, but then there was one older. A girl named Deborah from Congo who would be turning 14 in one month. We knew we had to take her. And we were also pretty sure God sent her to us. You see, when we started our Sunday School class (now a ready group) back in September we began meeting in one of the only rooms open in the church. Above the door was the old name of the classroom... And, are you ready for it? We were the Deborah classroom! Can you believe it! So excited to share her with the rest of our group tomorrow.

The other big thing I want to share tomorrow is "Kisses for Katie" and how it has impacted me. I really don't normally feel led to share things of this nature, but I believe God wants me to encourage others to read this book. I feel maybe he is trying to work through others in my group just like He's working in me. How exciting! (I promise to let you know (whoever you may be) how it goes).

Drying dishes = Love?

Where did my journey take me today? Does drying the dishes my Dad was washing count? I believe it does. I know this isn’t much but I have to be honest, I hate anything that has to do with doing the dishes. I LOVE to cook, hate to do dishes. My Dad’s routine is doing the dishes every morning before he does anything else. My routine after I get my son off to school is to do my Bible reading for the day, but something kept nudging me today… dry the dishes for him. So I dried the dishes for my Dad and should continue to do so every day. It’s the little things that add up right?

Here’s the back story, before the dishwasher broke in our house it was my son’s job to empty it. After it broke and before my Dad retired, I did the dishes everyday and my son put them away. This summer however I got sick and slowly stopped doing a lot of what I used to do around the house, I just couldn’t get out of bed with the medicine I was on, then I incurred a foot injury that kept me off my foot for extended periods for quite some time. But anyway, my Dad took over the dishes, but he always put them away as he did them. This honestly made me mad at first. My son has very few chores and does what every 12 year old boy does, tries to get out of them, how was he every going to learn responsibility? (Said with sarcasm) Well I was mad, all I asked was that he leave them for my son to put away, he just couldn’t do it, and he still put them away every single time. Not only that, he started taking the trash out too, my sons only other chore he had to do every day! (Oh the joys of moving back home.) I’m embarrassed to say that it has taken until today for me to swallow my anger or whatever you want to call it and help my Dad simply put the dishes away.

So while it may not seem like much, it is a start. I prayed all day every time I thought about it “Lord, help me love more.” “Lord, show me who to love.” “Lord, what can I do to love them?” And honestly, I didn’t get much else today. I tried to smile more, held the door for some people, made conversation when I could, but nothing outstanding. It’s the little things that add up right? If every day I ask the Lord to continue to show me, to continue to help me love more, in theory, every day should be bigger and better than the day before.

My heart did get to feel love today. I teach high school juniors and seniors about child development and working in child care. One of the projects they are working on right now requires them to plan an activity for a classroom that they help out in a few times a week. Today I got to observe my student and hang out with some pretty awesome third graders. I miss working with young kids; they are so innocent and so full of life. (So opposite of my students most days…) There was a little boy with a hearing problem that loved to love on the adults in the classroom. There was a little girl who could definitely have played Ramona from the movie Ramona and Beezus, if you have seen it you know what I mean. The children were respectful and kind and had a wonderful time doing the activity my student prepared for them. Those small things fill my heart with love each and every time.

I showed love in a very small way, and felt love in a big way today. I will not lay down completely exhausted because I used everything the Lord gave me today… maybe tomorrow.

This is where it all started... My journey to LOVE more!

Is it possible? My heart breaks and rejoices all at the same time all for the same thing. I recently finished the book “Kisses from Katie”. A story about a young woman named Katie Davis who at only 19 moves to Uganda and completely surrenders her life to Christ. While in her story she is very adamant about adoption, as she adopts 14 children (!) I don’t find my heart going there. What I do find is my heart being torn apart and opened up to her unending love for everyone around her and her willingness to right a blank check to God (as my Pastor spoke on Sunday evening) and doing whatever He calls her to do, no excuses. Now let me preface by saying that I have often considered adoption if I were to ever be fortunate to become married, so this isn’t out of the question for me, it just is not the message God had for me right here at this very moment.

God and I are becoming very close. We have still much room to grow our relationship, however compared to where I was say 4 years ago, or 2 years ago or even 6 months ago, we are definitely moving in the right direction. However satan had me under the trap that I was useless as a single woman/mother. And even with all the woman doing great things these days, it’s still somewhat true in our society, especially when it comes to doing things in the world of Christianity. I’ve bought into the trap that only a man will lead our house. I’ve bought into the trap that if a man comes a long we together can do great things for Christ, but until then I am out of luck. I’ve dreamt of missionary trips, and all sorts of things that can be done as a couple. I’ve bought the trap that I can’t uproot Devin from his life as he knows it, that everything will just have to wait until he is grown. Katie proves me so wrong! And boy am I glad!

Katie at 19 moved to Uganda, alone, not fully supported (yet not unsupported either) or understood by her friends and family. She spends every day caring for someone who needs cared for, whatever their need may be. She began adopting children who had no families. She speaks in her book about how if you don’t end the day completely exhausted you haven’t used everything God gave you for that day. How rest was never promised here on Earth, we are promised rest from doing His work when we get to Heaven!

And so here I sit, writing a blog entry, watching the sun go down out my window, knowing that yet another day has passed by that I will go to bed not completely exhausted, having not used up everything God gave me to use today. Can I be honest, as thankful as I am to live in America, I am just as “unthankful” sometimes. While I am aware that there are starving, hurting people here, it does not even begin to compare to those in third world countries. The “poor” here in America are so very wealthy compared to those living in the conditions of many of these countries. And while I am thankful for my health, food, a roof over my head, a car, a job, my family and the list goes on… I sometimes wish I lived somewhere that all these things were not considered necessity. Do you understand? Somewhere that I could truly appreciate life, simply life, and food to keep me alive, air to breathe, the shirt I’m wearing and the work I have, somewhere that actually required my full dependence on God.

So my pledge; to start looking for ways to be exhausted at the end of the day. Look for people and places God has been asking me to serve and I have told Him no. Maybe I didn’t say no verbally, but I ignored the request thinking I want to do something bigger, or even that I would be laughed at or rejected. I don’t feel lead to sell everything I have and leave the country and adopt 14 children. I feel lead to do something right here in where I live. Would I love to be a part of missions elsewhere? Absolutely. And maybe God will call me somewhere, short term or long term, someday, but until then there is an entire field in my back yard. I pledge to begin to show love in EVERYTHING I do. Will I succeed every time? Nope. Does that mean I stop trying? Nope. Showing love to people could not be any easier, yet we avoid it like the plague, especially when it involves people we aren’t sure how to love. Many times these are the people who don’t seem to know love themselves. And just like Katie talks about in the book, how can these people ever learn what real love is if we don’t show them? We can tell them all day long, but if they never experience it, they can never truly understand. I’m ready to start saying “yes” to God’s call to serve, to love.

My heart breaks that it has taken me 33 years to figure this out. My heart breaks at all the missed opportunities. However, my heart rejoices that at 33 I’m starting to desire to figure this out! My heart rejoices that even though I have messed up so badly, in more ways than I can count, that God still chooses to be my Savior, He still chooses to use me! I am truly undeserving.

Dear Lord Jesus,

Thank You so much for this day. Thank You for the lesson You have taught me through Katie Davis, Lord. Please continue to be with Katie and her entire ministry in Uganda, what a blessing she is to those people. You must just truly beam when you think of her as Your daughter! Lord Jesus please use me. I’m offering to You, right now this blank check, do with my life whatever You have planned. I have to trust that through hard times, sad times, good times, just all times that You can see the big picture and trust that there is a purpose in everything you allow in my life. Lord I want to love. You have shown me love, love like no one else has ever shown me and I want nothing more than to show that same love to others. Please help me start this right here in this house, as it is often the most difficult place to show love, even though it should be the easiest. Let me show love to all of the people I come into contact with. Show me people Lord who may be in my life right now that I don’t realize need love. Help me to know how each person needs to be loved. Please forgive me for all of the times I have not loved Lord. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.