I've loved Jen Hatmaker for a very long time. Her writing style is something I really connect with. Her humor, her sarcasm, I just really felt she got me. Over the past several months however I began to notice a change, maybe those beliefs were there all along and she just know feels comfortable enough to share them, maybe they are new, I may never know. What I do know is that I don't agree.
What I also know is that the situation she know finds herself in, has really convicted me.
While the topic of my food choices doesn't hold the same weight as the choices Jen is publically professing, I've been thinking a lot about what I choose to do in public.
I don't have hundreds of thousands of people following me, but as awkward as it sounds, I do have a handful who I think, look to me as an example of how to eat better, take care of our bodies and hopefully most importantly look to Christ as a way to do so. And this is where it started to get uncomfortable for me.
I've talked before about the awkwardness of social eating when you put yourself out there with your healthy lifestyle. While I know it's not true (at least for the most part) I feel like all eyes are on my plate to see what I'm doing. And by eyes, I mean eyes of judgement. Judging whether I'm choosing to eat healthy enough that day or even eating enough. And that has cause some serious social eating anxiety for me in the past. But, I am doing much better with that know... maybe too much better. I feel like I've completely flip flopped.
Instead of using those thoughts of possible judgement as accountability to keep my plate healthier, I've decided to eat how I want and show people "see I can enjoy food too". When I'm with people and they are looking for approval for their not as healthy choices I tend to laugh it off and tell them to enjoy. I choose poor food choices on purpose sometimes to make a point. I eat when I'm not hungry just so people don't think that I'm not eating because "I'm dieting".
God has called me to be an example. God has called me (and you) that I need to take care of my body, I need to eat healthy foods, I need to exercise daily, and I need to help others do the same. I'm not accomplishing that when I do any of those above things.
I'm not saying that I can never eat a piece of cake or have chocolate or fun coffee or anything I enjoy on occasion. I'm saying that I'm doing the same thing that I'm afraid Jen Hatmaker, and many others, have fallen prey to. I've decided to take the popular choice rather than the leader choice sometimes, because frankly, it's easier... and it's popular. I take that choice, rather than the choice that will truly help others.
A friend shared a video a few days ago about one persons reaction to the interview Jen did that caused this uproar. (If you have no idea what I'm talking about, Google it.) And in that video the lady made reference to a point Jen made about choosing her position on certain issues because she loved people and wanted the best for them. And as the lady pointed out, this is furthest from the truth unfortunately. Loving people is hard, and the truth isn't always easy. This is the moment I felt convicted. And again, while I know it is nowhere near the same magnitude, it's disobedience all the same every time I purposely choose not to be a good example, or encourage a less than stellar choice. If I claim to love these people I am friends with, and I do love them, if I want the absolute best for them, then I need to model such behaviors. I need to be able to be honest with them about why nutrition and exercising are so important and not laughing off when they are struggling.
Will I have moments that I struggle? Absolutely! That's completely different than purposely making poor choices to fit in.
Don't worry, I am NOT going to become the food police. So fear not all of you who eat with me, workout with me and enjoy coffee with me, etc. I am not judging your choices... EVER. PROMISE. But when you share with me your struggles, I should be armed with scripture, encouragement, a plan of action or prayer to help you, not encourage you to just get through or have this off day or week. I personally will no longer make poor food choices just to fit in so I'm not labeled the crazy health nut lady, because seriously, there could be many worse labels. I won't eat just because everyone else is and I don't want people to think my method of weight loss is starvation. (yes, irrational, I know ;) )
I want to be the woman God created me to be. He has given me a strong passion for helping other women be as healthy as they can be. To help them seek Him to find that freedom to find their passion. He has created me to be an example and strangely to me, a leader. Being a leader doesn't always mean taking part in popular choices. Sometimes it means making tough choices. But even if it's only one person, someone is watching. Someone else is struggling with what to eat, what type of workout to do, and I may never ever know that person was watching. But they may have had the strength to make a healthy choice because saw I did. God can only use me when I am obedient.
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