Our friendship with Sam started so many years ago. Over 20 years ago if we're counting. I remember we were in high school. We were in Cape and these two guys were trying to talk to us. And being the teenage girls that we were, we took a risk and decided to talk to them. That's how we made so many lifelong friends throughout our younger years. One of us girls is even married to a guy we met this way.
Sam from first impression was a little rough around the edges. But if you gave him a chance and got to know him you found something very different under the ruggedness. If you sat us girls down, we could all tell you stories about fun and much laughter when hanging out with Sam. Sam cared a lot about his friends, even one of the last conversations I had with Sam he recalled how he always worried about us, I think he saw our naivety and worried it might get us in trouble some day, he was always looking out for us. We talked about how we couldn't believe our kids were now the ages we were back when we met and wondered if they were a little crazy too. One of my favorite Sam lines, that I still use to this day, is something along the lines of, Who turned the air conditioner off out here? - as we got into the heat of summer. Ok, it may not seem great here, but in context and with his delivery Sam was a king of one liners.
I could go on and on and share many good memories of Sam, but that really isn't what this post is about. I am here to share what Same's death this week has taught me. The thing that punched me in the gut the moment I heard the news of his death.
You see we became friends with Sam back in the mid 90's, guess that ages me a little. But this was before cell phones and social media. We remained friends for several years, but then we all started going our separate ways. Then it happened social media became a thing, a wonderful thing. It was so fun to find people you had lost touch with throughout the years. Sam was one of those people. First we became MySpace friends (yep, really) and exchanged numbers and began to keep in touch again. Then Facebook came along and took the place of MySpace and we became friends there too. I am so thankful for this way to connect with so many old friends... and new friends too.
We often talked about plans to get all of us together sometime, as he had moved away from the area, but it never happened. Over time I fell into the Facebook trap of believing that liking pictures and following someone's posts meant keeping up with them. We are all guilty, I even do this with some of my very best friends unfortunately. But the truth is Facebook only paints the picture the user decides to paint. We can never truly know all of what is going on with someone unless we make time to build and continue working on a relationship with them. But even this is only a part of my biggest regret.
I became a Christian many, many years ago. However during my teens and 20's I went through a time where I questioned everything about God. It was during this time that the majority of friendship with Sam (and many, many others) took place or grew from. About 8 years ago, my life changed and I completely surrendered my life to Christ, I finally got it. (I am more than willing to share more of this story with anyone who would like to know... maybe over coffee?) I've sat in church nearly every single Sunday for the past 8 years. My now pastor presents to the Gospel every single Sunday and even just thinking back to the past couple of sermons I can clearly recall my pastor sharing about the urgency and importance of sharing the Gospel with others. I'm also sure that I nodded my head in agreement with him.
So what is my biggest regret?
It's that I can't remember through all of my conversations with Sam, especially in these last few years, if I ever told Sam about Jesus. Sam had always been there, he wasn't sick, he would continue to be there. But I was wrong, he's not here now. I can't recall a specific time I ignored a prompting to tell him during a conversation, but nevertheless, I wish I could recall if I ever did. We are not promised tomorrow. No one is. We also do not have a clue what other people are really dealing with if we don't do more than like some pictures and posts. We must have those real conversations.
My heart is completely broken at the realization of how dark life can be for those who do not have Jesus Christ to put their hope in. My heart is broken at the thought of all the opportunities I have missed to share about the One who is hope with those who have no hope.
As I read our devotional at workout this morning, I fought back the tears as it told us to be thankful in every situation. That is hard to do today. It's hard to grasp death, and even harder to be thankful for it.
While Sam and I had drifted and not talked as much the last couple of years, I am so very thankful to have met him. I am thankful for the good times and all the laughter he brought. While I do deeply grieve Sam's death, I pray and ask you to pray for the family he leaves behind, I choose to be thankful for the lesson Sam's life and death is teaching me. I am thankful that God allows me to learn from my biggest regret. I pray that I use this very tough life lesson to propel my relationship with Christ as well as my relationships with many others.
I challenge you to reach out and have a conversation with someone today that you have not talked to in awhile. Have real conversations this week with people you realize you've just been following and liking pictures and considering that keeping up. I challenge you, and myself, to share Christ with one person this week. Don't let my biggest regret become yours too.
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