I started this journey 655 days ago. As of today, I am down 70 pounds! And I have 70 more to go! I am halfway to my goal. My goal weight is probably 30 pounds lighter than I've been my entire adult life, so I'll definitely keep reassessing the closer I get. Being that I'm halfway, maybe that means I have 655 days to go, only time will tell. Seventy pounds in 655 days should mean that I'm losing about .75 pounds a week. However, what that really means is I mess up a lot. I've also lost around 30 inches overall so far on this journey. For some people even just looking at these numbers would be frustrating. So much hard work to watch the scale move so slow. But there is a lot more than just numbers going on here.
I've said it before and I'll say it again the only thing different this time around is that I'm asking God to carry me through. My focus is ultimately on being healthy so that I can be around to do whatever it is he asks me to do each day. There are days, weeks, even months at a time that I lose focus, that I stop asking God to help me. And those times are reflected in the fact that it has taken me 655 days to lose 70 pounds. But oddly I'm thankful it's taken me this long because I am learning so much along the way.
I'm learning to grant myself the same grace, mercy and forgiveness that I willingly give others. That God freely gives to me. I'm not sure why I thought I didn't deserve these things before but I can see now that I do. It was no small thing that Jesus died on a cross to forgive me of all of my sins. He thought I was quite deserving, so why shouldn't I forgive myself when have a hard time putting on my walking shoes or when I choose to go ahead and finish off the girls scout cookies (cupcakes, pie, brownies, etc) so they stop tempting me instead of just enjoying that one treat. Rather than hanging on to the low's I am learning to wipe the slate clean each day, setting my eyes on what I can do different rather than hold on to what I've done. This whole journey is not about ever reaching perfection, it's about continuing to make progress. Even when the scale hits that magic number the journey will continue. Perfection, is a standard to reach for, however it's very important to understand it's humanly impossible to achieve. When I feel like I've fallen short I remember that God grants me mercy and forgiveness and I am still carried by his grace.
I've also learned a whole lot about discipline, healing, freedom and loving myself. Over the past 655 days I have taken many baby steps towards getting healthy. My diet could still use a lot of improvement, but compared to what it was June 1, 2013 when I started, I've come a long way. I enjoy birthday cake, dessert when out with friends, pizza, french fries and anything else I want, just not every day. I see food as something that my body needs to make it work properly, like it was intended, rather than as I was selfishly seeing it, as something for me to purely enjoy. Please don't get me wrong, I still enjoy food, but part of the enjoyment comes now from knowing the food has a purpose. I see added sugar and lots of other processed junk as things that hinder my body from working efficiently, and I usually feel it too when I have too much, therefore I try to consume fewer of these. When I started this journey fruits and vegetables were not appealing to me, but as I've moved along I surprisingly look forward to them now. Remember, if you aren't here yet, it has taken me 655 days to proclaim this, it did not happen overnight. My body is smaller, stronger and I must believe healthier now. However, even with all of these successes I can't lose sight of the fact that according to all the charts I am still considered obese, I still have a ways to go. But I also cannot put into words the difference I feel with even this amount of change. There is so much freedom, not restriction, in living in God's will. And it is God's will that we take care of the body he has so graciously provided us with. When I look at the numbers or look in the mirror and begin to wish I was further along I immediately stop and thank God for where I am right now. For the discipline he has allowed me to gain from sticking with this (seemingly slow) journey for so long now and the progress that is still to come.
I've been working for a long time to reach this halfway mark. I've gained and lost the same pounds over and over until I finally broke through a few weeks ago and started getting closer to this smaller goal. The sun came out and it got easier to put the walking shoes on. The more I walked the more I wanted to eat the right foods. The more I found myself being successful and disciplined in eating right and exercising, the more I find myself craving the Lord as well. I find myself opening my Bible more often and dreaming about my return to Belize in August. The more success I see the more I remember why I'm actually doing this at all. It's not about me and making me feel better, or buying smaller clothes (while I really enjoy those things as well!) it's about being a woman God can use to reach others around me.
So my next goal, if anyone would like to hold me to it, is 15 more pounds before I leave for Belize on August 1. That's 15 pounds in 20 weeks. Without doing the math before I made the goal, I just realized that's .75 pounds a week, perfectly inline with my current pace. That leaves lots of room for practicing grace, mercy, and forgiveness over the next 20 weeks. If you are trying to lose weight too, let me know what your goals are. How long have you been at it? Let's do this together! The more we lose, the more we gain!
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