My hope is in you Lord

It's Thursday. It's the day after Christmas. My mind should be totally focused on all of the things I'm thankful for. And it is, but it's stuck on something else as well. Something I just can't shake.

Hope.

Actually, the lack of hope.

How do people live without hope?

Seriously. I've spent a lot of time the past several days just pondering this thought and I just can't imagine.

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit" Romans 15:13

Last Sunday I woke up to a text message that said "Please pray". I knew what the situation had been earlier in the weekend. I knew exactly what my dear friend wanted me to pray for now. I passed the message on to other friends I knew would also pray for this precious woman and her family. I didn't know the exact circumstances of the moment but I knew God did. I knew He knew exactly what their requests were.

A short time later I got word that this request had not been answered in the way they had hoped. My friends mother in law passed away very suddenly Sunday morning only 3 days before Christmas. My heart broke for all of them. I've felt the hurt of loss this year, but not quite like this. Fourteen years ago I lost my grandma on that very same day, 3 days before Christmas, but it wasn't like this. This loss came suddenly, unannounced, unsuspecting. 

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in Spirit" Psalm 34:18

This kind of loss scares me for selfish reasons too. It is all too real of a reminder that it could be any of us, at any moment. Not scary in the paranoid kind of  way, but in the, this life is real, God expects me to make every moment count kind of way. It scares me because am I doing that? Am I living that life? Am I thankful everyday that I have another chance to tell another person about the Savior who rescued me?  Am I not just thankful but am I doing something with this time? If I'm completely honest with myself the answer is no, most likely not like He wants me to. 

But still, I have this hope, I know who hope is. My friend, her mother in law knew hope, she is with Jesus. She gets to have Christmas every single day for all of eternity now. I know too that my friend, her husband, their family, they know hope and while I also know that things hurt more than they might be able to bear right now, they will hold tight to hope. I know no words I utter to them can ease their pain. But I know they know Jesus and Jesus will continue to bring them comfort. So I pray for them, and the entire family as they enter this new chapter. Because while life goes on, it's very different now. Something is missing, someone that can't be replaced. But that empty place in their hearts, that place can and will be filled with a peace that only Jesus can bring. 

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me, and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:11-13

So this is where my thoughts on hope started from. What really gets me are where my thoughts went to next. There are so many other terrible stories of loss scattered across the news this Christmas season. Loss of homes, loss of jobs, loss of children... Do these people know hope? Where will they seek their comfort? How can people live each day without this peace?  We might seek peace from many different outlets, we suffer losses from many things. These losses eventually are meant to help us to realize the only thing that is constant and true, the only thing that will continue to fill our hearts is Jesus Christ, the Prince of Peace.

"Therefore since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through Him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice, in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Romans 5:1-5

So thankful that my hope is in you Lord!

Where does your hope come from?

Overwhelming thanks!

I'm just completely overwhelmed today. Today should be my thankful post. I have most of it written out from each day already... in a notebook... in my car. But I'm exhausted and I'm not going to go get it. I'm just going to wing it. I have so much to be thankful for this week, I don't even know where to begin.

I'm thankful for the Show-Me-Center that allowed some awesome artists to come in and perform last Friday. I'm thankful for some awesome friends whom I got to enjoy dinner and a concert with. I'm thankful for the awesome artists who performed at the Show-Me-Center last Friday night, allowing me a night out.

That would be Toby Mac!

I'm thankful to be back to work this week, even if I have to be off again starting next Monday.

I'm thankful for yet another sermon that spoke to me so deeply. Words I just can't get off my mind. Wonderings of what comes next?

I'm thankful for another year!

Thankful for co-workers that make you feel special on your special day.

Thankful for all the special birthday wishes from friends and family. You guys really know how to make a girl feel loved. And I mean that! I think the tears began here... (You'll understand what I mean if you keep reading)

I'm thankful for the ability to spend most of the week in the kitchen making and baking treats to share with others.

I'm thankful for ladies who love to give when they are able!

These donations are headed to Brookport, Illinois for tornado victims.

I'm thankful this quarter is almost over for Devin because I honestly cannot take anymore. 8th grade is hard. (He could really use some prayers Friday if you would please)

I'm thankful that the package our women's group put together for the children in Belize finally made it there this week, in time for Christmas! I also can't wait to meet these Belizeans I have heard so much about already.

There is so much more I could share but really all my heart wants to say in this post is THANK YOU!

I sit here in tears yet again, completely overwhelmed by events of the day. Some tears of frustration.

But mostly tears of overwhelming gratitude.

 Someone sent me the absolute kindest, most thoughtful Christmas card today. They choose not to sign it and I respect that, but I really want to tell them thank you! I pray God leads you, whomever you may be, to read this. That was quite possibly the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever said and done for me. I pray God blesses you in ways you could never imagine! He is truly already doing that for me. I am blessed with sooo many wonderful people in my life. (Aaaakk... more tears just thinking about all of you! Seriously.) If your are reading this you can be pretty sure you are probably one of them. I could have never have imagined how rewarding and fulfilling living life in the middle of the will of God could/can be. Not saying I'm there all the time, but I am saying, you all are a huge part of that!

I am so blessed and for that I say...

THANK YOU!

THANK YOU!

THANK YOU!

Right where I'm meant to be

What do you think?

Do you think you are right where God intended for you to be?

I read this on twitter earlier; "You are beautiful, you are strong, and you are right where you are meant to be" and it really made me stop to think. Am I right where I am meant to be?

Probably not.

If you know me, I think you would have to agree that based on all of my life choices I am not exactly where God intended for me to be 25 years ago when I said I agreed to follow Him. I took several wrong turns along the way. I can say with certainty this is not the life He would have chosen for me. Unfortunately I didn't let Him choose. I didn't grow closer to Him after I said I wanted to follow Him. I never really understood what it meant to have a personal relationship with Him. I continued to try to do life on my own. I made decisions based on what was good at that moment as opposed to seeking His will for my life. Often times I even knew I wasn't making the best decisions but chose to make them anyway. Sometimes I think we probably all choose to ignore the possible consequences thinking if we just don't get "caught" it really won't hurt any one.

So no, the more that I think about it, I don't think I'm right where I'm supposed to be. And I'd say the same goes for a good portion of us. What a downer this post would be if I ended it right here.

But I won't! There is good news to share as well.

When people tell others that they are right where they are meant to be, their intentions are good. I'm sure I've said this to my fair share of people as well. However now I will consider whether I mean it before I say it again. Sometimes it does fit. Sometimes you are in a situation that you were placed in by God Himself and in those cases you are in His will, you are right where you are meant to be, at that moment.

And there is more good news!

Just because we haven't always made the right choice doesn't mean God can't use us right where we are.

Right where we are might not be right where we were meant to be, but so long as we seek God, wherever we are, He can make good come from it. God doesn't keep score of how many wrong turns we take so long as we seek His forgiveness and desire to start taking steps towards Him. God can pick us up from right where we are standing, no matter what we are standing in the middle of, and use us, so long as we are willing to seek His will and call Him Savior of our life! God can use our failed marriages/ relationships, struggles with alcoholism, drug abuse/addiction. He can use single parents, married parents and absent parents. God can use our struggles with finances. God can use absolutely any struggle or difficult or disappointing circumstance we might have gotten ourselves into. God can pick us up from any pit we might have dug ourselves into and set us on His path. Can you think of any better news?!

So while I don't think I'm on the path God would have ideally intended me to be on, I'm on the path He knew I was going to take. Nothing surprises Him and He was still ready and waiting for me when I realized the mistakes I was making. He was ready to scoop me and up and guide me. He's ready every day to do just that for me, all I have to do is ask Him and agree to whatever He asks of me. The same goes for you! You can be right where He already knows you are and He will lead you right where He wants you to go from there. If you are struggling with feeling like you are too far gone, or you need to fix this one thing first, stop. It will never happen, or there will always be another struggle. Seek Jesus now, He's ready and waiting to scoop you up too! He's ready to set you on a path that leads straight to Him!

'Tis the season to count your blessings!

Friday December 6: Today I'm thankful for... snow! Ok, I think I might have mentioned I'm not a fan of winter. And if this type of weather continues I'm sure you will hear it over and over. Finding something new to be thankful for every day can become challenging. On days where you are stuck at home this can provide to be even more challenging. I've already thanked God for the people here and the house to keep me warm... So I'll thank God for the snow. The beauty of the snow is a great reminder of just how awesome our God is, how powerful He is. In a matter of hours he shut down a large portion of the United States with snow and ice. At a time when we all at least think, we should be out hustling and bustling He confined us to our homes. This snow storm started on the west coast and is headed to the east coast, affecting thousands, probably millions of people. Giving us no choice but to slow down. And for me, giving me more time to reflect on the importance of this holiday season. The reason we are celebrating. Enjoying the anticipation of the One who is coming, so for that I say; thank you Lord for the snow!

That should be our driveway...

Saturday December 7: Today I'm thankful for journaling. It is such a great way for me to better express what's going on in my head. I'm much better when I am able to write my thoughts on paper than expressing them verbally. Journaling can even be used as a tool to speak with God and that's just what I needed to do today. I'm sure it's probably from being couped up in the house since Thursday but my mind was starting to get cluttered. Thoughts, insecurities, questions and so much more were beginning to take over. Jesus already knows what I'm thinking so I have no problem taking these things to Him, just laying it out there. But I enjoy writing them down so in a month, or a year I can go back and see how Jesus might have responded to those thoughts. Tale a look at where I am now in relation to those thoughts. Thank you Lord for hearing me no matter how I come to you, whether I speak it out loud or write in on paper, you hear me, thank you.

Sunday December 8: Today I'm thankful for 4 wheel drive! I got to leave the house today! I loved being able to go to church this morning and praise the Lord! As well as hear a sermon I needed to hear. Maybe it's just that I'm more willing to listen to God right now, but it seems like He sure does have a lot to say to me, through lots of people and lots of scripture. Can I just share with you a couple of things from our sermon? Our sermon was from Matthew 7:1-6 was about judging others, about dealing with as a Christian being called judgmental. I struggle so much with this. From the very beginning before ever really starting the pastor mentioned that often our biggest struggle isn't deciding between what's good and bad, but what's good and best. Oh my. Do I ever. It's easy most days for me to choose to do what's good, it's that choosing to do what's best that is far more difficult. Doing what's good seems like enough some days. And sometimes what's best isn't easy or it even requires more work, or it causes tension with someone else. The pastor also talked about how we are of course to make judgment about things, that is the only way to make a decision. Something else he said that really struck me was that we are all entitled to our own opinions, we are not however entitled to our own truths. There is one truth, his name is Jesus. If our opinion, or anyone else's opinion counteracts the truth, it cannot also be truth... and it is not best. And of course judging should not be done to make you feel better about yourself or put others down. It should be done to help you make the best decision you can make. Pastor told us straight out we need to stop sitting around and pointing out all the darkness around us and be the ones to carry a light to it! All of this was so reassuring for me after the week I had last week, and I will hopefully hold on to this reassurance in the weeks to come. Thank you Lord for 4wheel drive!

..Monday December 9: Today I'm thankful for KiKi's coffee house. If you ever want to talk to me, invite me to coffee... at KiKi's, I'll agree, every time. Apparently God knows this as well. Apparently God sends other people to invite me to coffee so He can talk to to me, because this is definitely what happened today. My poor friend thought she was inviting me to coffee so that I could help her with a situation, what she didn't know was she was going to be helping me. I'm not sure I helped her at all other than being a listening ear, but she answered so many questions from that journal entry I talked about there a couple of nights ago, it was just unreal. That night that I journaled and God sent me to Psalm 134... check it out real quick if you want. I guess he didn't think I was taking Him seriously enough so He invited me to coffee today to confirm. So thank you for friends who listen when God tells them to speak to someone (even when they had no idea), and thank you for KiKi's coffee house to get me listening Lord.

Tuesday December 10: Today I am thankful for warm cozy socks. My feet are always freezing!

Wednesday December 11: Today I'm thankful for temperatures getting above freezing for a couple of hours so we could shovel some more ice off the drive! (OUCH!!) Praying I can work the rest of the week. Thank you Lord for the sunshine, temperature above 32, and the ability to push a shovel!

Thursday December 12:
Today I'm thankful for this place

Because this teacher is not salaried, haha. When I can't get here I can't get paid. Thank you Lord for the days I can get there!

Some days you just want to shout!

Some days you just want to shout... Today is one of those days!

Today I have to tell you, in case you didn't know, that Jesus is real. Jesus is alive. He has overcome the world, he overcame death. Jesus wins every time. No matter what situation you are facing...

Jesus wins.
Every.
Single.
Time.

I woke up yesterday feeling so much closer to Jesus than I had in awhile and it just, strangely, got better from there. I'm sure this started partly because of the holiday season upon us. But the day was so far from perfect. There was a lot of hurt happening yesterday. But guess what, Jesus is bigger than all the hurts.

In the midst of all of that, church seriously wrecked me, in a good way, yesterday! (Surely preparing me for all that was left to come throughout the day) A message about worry could not be more directed at me. To hear the Word, to hear Jesus so clear, that's good stuff. To be reminded that Jesus is my rock, my salvation, and that He values me, these words could not have come at a better time. To sing praises with people so excited to be in the house of the Lord, shouting praises. That's good stuff. Coming together as a congregation to pray for a husband/father and his family as he prepares to leave to do mission work in the Philippines. Unity. People truly living their life for the Lord, out of what's comfortable for themselves, for their family. That is Christianity. That's good stuff. That makes me love Jesus and want to be closer to Jesus that much more.

Laying down at the feet of Jesus situations that I didn't even know were holding me back. Literately feeling the added weight leave my body. Resting in the fact that I am not responsible for others actions. Clearing the air with old friends about situations I didn't even know I was holding on to.

I am free.

Today my mind is set on Jesus.

John 16:33
"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world."

Isn't that worth shouting about?

And I'm reminded of these lyrics... As long as I can breath, my heart will beat for You.

FOR YOU By Jj Heller

Nobody likes to fall

Nobody likes to lose at all

Nobody likes when bridges get burned 

Why does it always hurt to learn

Everyone has a dream

Everyone has a song to sing 

Everyone’s soul is broken in two

I know that mine was made for you

If I can talk

Then I will sing for you

If I can walk

Then I will dance for you 

As long as I can breathe My heart will beat for you

I’m ready to give it all

I’m ready to step outside these walls 

I’m ready to give up all that I’ve earned

If it means a new life in return

If I can talk

Then I will sing for you

If I can walk

Then I will dance for you 

As long as I can breathe 

My heart will beat for you

For you...